This was an amazing book! It made me rethink so many things. This is one of the first books that has said that I am not a co-dependent or in some way enabled the abuse to happen. In the introduction it said “Counseling men is difficult work. They are usually very reluctant to face up to the damage that they have been causing women, and often children as well, and hold tightly to their excuses and victim blaming.” I have felt that way often about my ex-husband, that it didn’t seem anything was helping him and he wasn’t taking any responsibility for HIS actions, but so many books put partial blame on me, that I enabled this behavior somehow. Near the end of the book where Bancroft is talking about abusive men changing he said “there are no shortcuts to change, no magical overnight transformations, no easy way outs. Change is difficult, uncomfortable work.” “The men who make significant progress in my program are the ones who know that their partners will definitely leave them unless they change, and the ones on probation who have a tough probation officer who that really demands they really confront their abusiveness.” I hope and pray my ex’s probation officer is tough, for my children’s sake because I have left and that wasn’t motivation enough. There were so many points made in this book that hit home with me, points that confirmed ways I already felt, and points that put words to things I had been unable to describe. I absolutely recommend this book to anyone that has been in an abusive relationship.
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