Not that freaking cliffhanger... that should be illegal oh my god. I have so many thoughts. What a fucking ride. This volume makes me worship Meatbun even more, I love how freaky she gets with the smut + angst + twists combo. It's insane.

This one continues the tension between HY and XQC after the Big Event at the end of volume 2. It's more complicated now because HY's illness keeps getting worse and whenever he has those moments, his lust rises up to the max and he cannot think clearly. He becomes more obsessed, very domineering of XQC despite his attempts of avoiding HY or fighting agaisnt him. It gets to a point where HY truly hits rock bottom, and a truth related to his family gets revealed. Even during his moments of clarity, it's as if fate doesn't want him to forget XQC because he encounters him again, which ends up in another explotion between the two towards the end of the book and a hint of a bigger twist.

This vol focused on HY's mental state and his backstory, which was heartbreaking. I recall people saying that the novel got angsty, but I was having so much fun that the angst hit me hard, I wasn't expecting it. I love how Meatbun is always able to pull off a great devastating breakdown of a character. It freaking hurt when HY

Spoiler

self-harmed

, and even more when the truth about his illness is revealed. It made HY more human and had the readers confronting the idea that, while he does some despicable actions, he isn't an evil character that does everything out of pure malice. Instead, his sentiment of loneliness and feeling unloved consumme him too much alongside his illness. He yearns to be accepted, especifically and only by XQC, since he's the only one he truly cares about (even when he doesn't realize it yet).

Besides that, HY's homophobia is tackled again, similarly to XQC's, but there was some progress here. He keeps denying it, but the idea doesn't get such a strong negative reaction out of him as before. I'm hoping the next volume explores XQC's side, because this man has a lot of issues and I want to see him breakdown. I really like seeing characters break, exploring their psychology is fun. It's one of the very few times I've encountered a character that's too stoic and cold in his pain. I wouldn't say strong, because he's covering himself up with lies, and I don't find strength in hiding or avoiding the truth. I've come to understand him more compared to volume 1, so I'm looking forward to how he'll confront that, as well as the repercutions since it appears to be a delicate topic for him.

I find fascinating the way both characters come clashing together. The tension is palpable at every second that they interact, as much as the mutual (or no so much anymore) hate. I still wonder how Meatbun will make them a couple without a BE, so that has me intrigued. I've encountered very few spoilers, and I'm not into making theories or speculating, I like being surprised instead so I'll stay put until the next volume.

I also wanted to mention that there are some things that make this a bit less than perfect volume. First, I feel that the "villain" was too cartoonish. I admit that I don't care about that subplot, and I only focus of Hexie's relationship because it's what attract me more. Second, the last scene sort of failed to evoke the feelings it wanted from me due to the addition of that song. I generally don't take well any mention of real life's media in books, anything too close to reality, so that isn't on the author but me. The cliffhanger was evil too, but I'll have to manage the wait.

Lastly, I have to give a thousand kudos to Meatbun again because of the smut scenes. I honestly never thought she'd write them like that, for some reason I believed that there wouldn't be that many, or that the any smut would be short. Also, the breeding kink and (very) dirty talk caught me off guard lol, which shouldn't because I knew he's like a younger and freakier Taxian-jun, but wow. Not only that, but there are some phrases HY says outside sex that will never leave my mind. I'm enjoying this very much, it has exactly my type of dynamic, unhealthy and complicated. Part of me does wish that they become better people for themselves and each other, but damn, the strong hate and denial from both sides during the noncon? Cheff kiss, no one does it like her.

Anyway, now I'll try to distract myself until Feb 2025 where the next one will be released. I know I'll fail, I just know it.