3.75 stars

The giddy feeling I had after reading Becky Albertalli’s “Simon and the Homo Sapiens Agenda” is the same feeling I had looking at this book’s cover for the first time. Just WOW. GORGEOUS, and props to the illustrator. It urged me to read this book. I’ve never read a book about a non-binary person, and as a cisgender woman I was definitely intrigued by its premise and the characters. It follows the self healing journey of Benjamin De Backer, a scholarly good natured student whose life turns upside down when they tell their parents that they’re non-binary.

First the positives :

It’s a good book and it was meant to be put to text. Thank you Mason Deaver for using your literary gift to give a voice to your community. Hannah, Thomas, and Nathan were just a few of my favorite characters. They were more than just two dimensional characters who supported Ben. They had their own interesting secrets and backstories that helped me appreciate them in Ben’s life.

And everyone else. The support that Ben gets at their new school is amazing. New friends, Teachers, etc who may not necessarily know their status but gave them the support and push they need to embrace themself anyways. I really wish all environments and people were like that.


Also the parents. This book hit a lot closer to home when it came to discussing the parents and the type of people they were in Hannah and Ben’s life. I liked the accuracy in which Deaver wrote them because it’s hard not to completely villainize two people who could make you feel entirely helpless and worthless with one awful decision.

And lastly, I’m glad the book is the perfect blend between a heavy page turner about a subject matter sensitive to some and a lighthearted YA treat to enjoy. Like the readers are given the choice to fall in love with Ben and people like Ben for their humanity and not because of their label. Which is awesome.

The cons:

I hate to even bring up what “faults “ there might be in a book like this, but I was conflicted on several things throughout the book. Including the decisions that Ben makes throughout the book, characters that felt out of place, and the message that the book puts out.

For one: the character Miriam. I’ll tread lightly here but I feel like the relationship Ben and Miriam had was inappropriate? Not in a romantic kind of way but, Ben states SEVERAL times that up until they went to North Wake, Miriam is their “best friend” and Ben feels comfortable telling them anything. Miriam is a nonbinary vlogger who Ben meets online after commenting under one of their YouTube videos. So Miriam is probably closer in age to Ben’s older sister Hannah, and has NO problem talking/texting freely to a high school kid without their adult’s consent? And then Miriam says that they’re flying to Ben’s hometown and wants to meet them in person? WTF???!!!!

I get that Ben felt like they had no one to talk to with their old life and that their parents wouldn’t have been understanding in the slightest, but nevertheless they were putting themself in danger by talking with a STRANGER online. I don’t care how “understanding” or genuine a person is. I felt that entire relationship rubbed me wrong, especially since Miriam is seen as “internet famous” and there’s an obvious power dynamic. I mean, even Ben sees their sister Hannah in an “adult” light, with her husband, job, and whatnot, but for some reason they don’t comprehend that Miriam can be friendly with them without being a “friend”. I don’t think anyone would be calling it “wholesome” if a Youtuber like, say Jake Paul, was texting a high school kid and calling them his “bestie”. Just NO.

And their dynamic also confused me because though Miriam acts like a second therapist /friend for Ben , they don’t really exist outside of the book except to console Ben when they’re in need. There’s really no development to Miriam other than that aspect of their character and their scenes in the book weren’t my favorite.

Which brings me to my next critique. Ben

Yes I know. I love Ben’s story. But some aspects of them? I didn’t feel for. I think some scenes in the book made me have to think about what I would do in Ben’s shoes, which I can’t make that call, but if I did, would’ve explored things differently. Two things that troubled me in terms of Ben were their ultimate decision about 1) Nathan and 2) their parents.

First Nathan

Nathan is this suave, but goofy lovable kid that brings a ray of light into Ben’s life, first by force then willingly by Ben. Ben sees how their feelings for Nathan are building but... there’s really no exploration there. I was kind of surprised that Nathan’s sexuality doesn’t really come up or intrigue Ben until the very end. As a non-binary person wouldn’t Ben want to know or question these things so they don’t get their heart broken? There are a myriad of hints the author throws that suggest Nathan is anything but just “a friendly straight guy “ but my thing is, if Ben had it in their head that Nathan was straight, why would they allow their relationship to get that close , knowing what could happen if the truth came out about their identity?

I hear about the horror stories of trans woman who reveal their transness to their male partners only to face violent rejection. I can only imagine this would be the case with non-binary people as well. Though Ben and Nathan are friends throughout most of the novel, they become more intimate with each other than either are ready to let on and this kind of retracts Ben’s progress, because they’re constantly at war with themselves to come out to him with the fear of rejection hanging over them like what happened with their parents. And I just don’t know if it’s realistic for these two straight-male-appearing people to be friends and share the bond that they shared without discussing sex or sexuality even ONCE?

But it all works out because they end up together. Which at first is the cute love story you’d want. But I don’t know if I’m comfortable with Ben’s decision to pack their things, take a gap year (and not go to college, which is something I would’ve thought they’d be interested in) , and uproot to move to California with their new boyfriend Nathan, who’s going to UCLA.

Again, poor decisions Ben is making with the people in their life. It’s all too convenient that Ben chooses not to go to college for the time being until they can figure themself out (which isn’t a bad reason to take a gap year by the way, but I feel it was more out of spite of their parents, more on that) but then turn around and willingly uproot their life for a guy they just start dating. WHY BEN WHY????!!!!

I feel like that was a step backward for Ben’s self journey. This book was supposed to be about them coming to terms to find and accept who they are, and be their own person. Which Ben still is their own person, but to put your trust and life in the hands of someone who’s going to be too busy with their future to put you ahead of them is just ...*facepalm* I would have appreciated an ending where Nathan and Ben go to the prom together, then at graduation, share one last intimate smile before throwing their cap and gowns into the air, and wishing each other “all the best” in the paths they choose to take. This ending just felt very out of character.


Then the parents

I know I said I liked the realism of the narcissistic parents, and the relationship they had with Hannah and Ben, but I hate how the book portrays how turning 18 and graduating is the “magic savior” that will help you break free from having those people in your life and that cutting them off cold turkey is the only solution there is. It’s so much more complicated then that. No matter how your parents are or how rocky of a relationship you have , packing up and leaving and making a (fortunate) living for yourself won’t undo the pain or the longing for them back. Sure, people like Hannah definitely exist who couldn’t be happier but I don’t think Ben’s “adios” attitude towards their parents towards the end really “solved” Ben’s underlying need for their Mom and Dad to just be a Mom and Dad. It seems the Dad was the more intolerant of them, but does that mean that there’s not a future for reconcilement or at least understanding between the Mother and Ben/Hannah? At least they were going to therapy and “trying to understand Ben” (I can only say this for the Mom not for the Dad). Even with narcissistic parents, there are so many layers to a relationship with them that running away forever just seems like the other side of the extreme. But that’s just me.



Now that doesn’t mean that I don’t give the book credit for what it’s done which is provide a sweet non-binary story into the YA fold. These are just my strong opinions and what was good and what was disturbing. I do think this book was a necessary book to write, and for anyone going through what Ben had to go through I hope this book will fall into your lap one day and make you cheese through smiling.


[UPDATE: So sorry for anyone who read my first draft of this review. I misgendered Ben without even thinking and have since edited with the proper pronouns]