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A review by deejaygee
Nothing Left to Lose by Kirsty Moseley
3.0
Where to start? I enjoyed the overall story. I didn't enjoy the Britishisms or the lack of understanding of the American political system and the American media or that SWAT isn't the same as the FBI or CIA. Ashton should have at least been FBI for most of the story to make sense. Making Anna the daughter of a Senator was unnecessary and further complicated some of the facts. And I don't care who you are, you can't travel under a different name since 9/11.
About 250 pages of this story was unnecessary.
This story needs some serious editing. Get rid of the Britishisms. Americans call a lounge a living room, a vest is a tank top or muscle shirt or even a sleeveless T, a waistcoat is a vest, especially when we are talking about the bulletproof kind. While one does get treatment at a hospital you wouldn't tell a person to go get their treatment. Go see a doctor would suffice. You couldn't just pop into a university in the middle of a term, a year, yes, but not the term. And it's your major, not your course. Is this Denny's in LA a one spot restaurant? If not the chain of Denny's is crappy food you go eat when you are drunk in the middle of the night. Not sure they even have a hot dog on the menu and if they did it would be gross.
Lose anything that talks about Twilight. Immediately your story feels like fanfic when that's done. I couldn't find evidence that that was what this is, but a lot of it felt like it. There were even lines from Twilight tweaked a bit in this but still there.
Even with all of the above, I did like this story. With some tweaks to some of the plot to make it more believable it has potential to be great. I read Enjoying the Chase first and really enjoyed that story, but also had problems with the British terms. I'd be happy to edit any story to rid it of them. If a story takes place in America with American characters then all the language should be American. Otherwise it's distracting.
Spoiler
and then PresidentAbout 250 pages of this story was unnecessary.
Spoiler
Having Anna touch Ashton in the beginning was believable. Having what occurs 4 days after their meeting is not. At all. After what Anna went through there's no way in hell that would have happened that fast. Would it have happened? Yes, eventually. There's no such thing as instant trust that would have allowed that to happen. Trust for a kiss, maybe. But there needed to be more connection for that to have been realistic.This story needs some serious editing. Get rid of the Britishisms. Americans call a lounge a living room, a vest is a tank top or muscle shirt or even a sleeveless T, a waistcoat is a vest, especially when we are talking about the bulletproof kind. While one does get treatment at a hospital you wouldn't tell a person to go get their treatment. Go see a doctor would suffice. You couldn't just pop into a university in the middle of a term, a year, yes, but not the term. And it's your major, not your course. Is this Denny's in LA a one spot restaurant? If not the chain of Denny's is crappy food you go eat when you are drunk in the middle of the night. Not sure they even have a hot dog on the menu and if they did it would be gross.
Spoiler
The Las Vegas wedding thing...not gonna happen. You have to go to the courthouse in Las Vegas to get a marriage license, you have to walk in and show birth certificates and divorce decrees, etc. I know because I got married there.Lose anything that talks about Twilight. Immediately your story feels like fanfic when that's done. I couldn't find evidence that that was what this is, but a lot of it felt like it. There were even lines from Twilight tweaked a bit in this but still there.
Even with all of the above, I did like this story. With some tweaks to some of the plot to make it more believable it has potential to be great. I read Enjoying the Chase first and really enjoyed that story, but also had problems with the British terms. I'd be happy to edit any story to rid it of them. If a story takes place in America with American characters then all the language should be American. Otherwise it's distracting.