** sort of vague spoilers, doesnt explicitly say stuff but id still be cautious haha **

this little 102 pgs long book was actually quite fantastic. i took quite a bit of notes in comparison to its length haha

this book essentially details this irrevocable love that consumes, an experience that situates deep within your soul. this is a novella where a man details his first love experience to a group of other people, showing his perspective of when he first fell in love with the princess next door at the age of 16.

my initial notes of this novella is comical to read back on considering the twist we find out later on, that i correctly predicted at around 70 pgs in.

anyways, what i enjoyed was the experience of trying to gauge whether this instance of love is good for the guy, woldemar. he’s just 16 yrs old, but hes so deeply enamored with the princess, zinaida, knowing deep down in his gut that this treatment isn’t proper but he willfully allows himself to remain stagnant in this negative atmosphere nonetheless because the blissful love is soooo addictive. 

i think this novella served me well because i can relate to how deeply love roots into my soul!!!! but this is also a tale of figuring out love and passion at a young age but also identifying abuse and mistreatment. a little key message i picked up on was “know when to leave.” 

but it was lowkey an insane book, where this princess plays around and has games with all these men who are obsessed with her, yet she doesn’t prioritize love, more so prioritizing herself above all but then she does. she does love. i remember feeling surreal about one of the nights where she played a bunch of games with the men (including our woldemar); i genuinely felt like i should’ve been high n it vaguely reminded me of the drugged up midsommar scene. 

i also was in awe with some of woldemar’s thoughts, this idea of doing anything for zinaida, but for some reason he wouldn’t imagine himself a happily ever after with her? i think he knew it was a fleeting experience… trust ur gut…

quite a fantastic piece of literature! now here are some quotes i enjoyed: 

“i never wish to experience [the feelings with which i left her] again, but i should count it a misfortune never to have had them at all.”

“evidently to sacrifice oneself is the height of bliss — for some people.” 
- honestly, there was more to this quote, but this portion made me think of how one maintains the illusion of seeing and finding more within a person to justify the self sacrifice. 

“take what you can yourself, and don’t let others get you into their hands; to belong to oneself, that is the whole thing in life…”