even though i followed the author/artist since his rise to fame, i don't think i'm biased when i say this was a remarkable book on moving on from a meaningful relationship. i think it resonated with me even more because of the way it described the effect chronic depression has, even in parts of our lives that only bring us joy, parts that should be immune to it.

he wrote "love is a clown changing its mask many times" and it makes me wonder if he means we are the ones switching out masks as we change and grow as people... i've always seen real longlasting love as people who change over time but they always fall for each other over and over, no matter who they become.

i also listened to the songs as i read, without knowing that was his intent which is expressed in the author's notes. he really was someone deeply in touch with human emotions, i don't think i even want to dive into how i feel about this passage: "the man thought of how he must have had done something big in his past life to deserve so many people who love him; and all of those who loved him also seemed to feel responsible for his unhappiness."

i'm so grateful to the international shawol(s) who translated this & grateful to jonghyun for being a huge part of my youth along with shinee & kara ♡ it's a 4.5 star read, i think more could've been explored as a whole