Sherry Thomas did me dirty.

I really, really should have DNF’d at 25% when it became crystal clear that this book is essentially Georgette Heyer’s A Civil Contract, but worse. MMC Fitz makes Heyer’s Adam look like a prince in comparison; and FMC Millicent’s life of martyrdom is only missing a burning at the stake. But because Sherry is a brilliant writer, here I am, bitter, betrayed, and writing this review.

There is no doubt that Sherry can craft a singularly angsty novel that is also a page turner. Readers who enjoy bathing in their own tears will not be disappointed in this one, and will love it. While my finger itches to 1-star the hell out of this travesty, I have to give this book 3-stars because, SHERRY THOMAS. There is nothing to criticize here in terms of execution. The pacing, the use of flashbacks, the intense characterizations, the prose, the pathos – this novel is well-written, and has surprising layers of complexity. Personally, do I want emotional complexity in my romance novels? No. Personally, do I care about any of these characters? Also no.

Ravishing the Heiress is the story of two literal teenagers (Fitz is 18 and Millie is 16) who are forced to grow up in an arranged marriage. Their immaturity and naiveté are apparent from the moment they meet, as Millie “falls in love” with Fitz at first sight, while Fitz has his head in the clouds over some pretty cheerleader-esque chick named Isabelle that he met when he was 15, and with whom he wants to live happily ever after. Millie is crushed that Fitz is “in love” with someone else, and Fitz just wants out of this situation, so they make a pact not to consummate their marriage for 8 years.

I really try not to negatively review books based on storyline, because my opinion is personal and subjective. So, personally, I did not enjoy this book because of the storyline. On the one hand, Fitz truly believes that Millie has no interest in a romantic (or even sexual) relationship with him. On the other, he is one of the most narcissistic, self-absorbed assholes I’ve ever read, and he has no awareness (or interest) in anything or anyone around him. He thinks and behaves like the same 18 year old entitled, punk ass kid at the end of the novel as he was at the beginning.

Millie is equally self-absorbed but in a different way. She is so caught up in her own dreams of "what might have been" that she can’t or won’t just grow the hell up and get over her teenage crush. It would be easier to understand her quiet, steadfast devotion to Fitz over 8 interminable years if he did anything whatsoever to merit it. (Other than be handsome, of course). He’s a serial adulterer throughout their marriage and he doesn’t give a second thought to what Millie thinks or does. Ever. He literally runs around destroying things and never notices that she’s cleaned up the mess behind him.

But then, in the last 30 pages, Fitz sees the light like Saul in Damascus, stops debating who he “loves more” (Millie or Isabelle), and decides to commit himself fully to his marriage. (Which they finally consummated for all the wrong and full-on infuriating reasons.) He never apologizes for having his head perpetually stuck so far up his ass he hasn't seen the sun in a decade, but why should he given that Millie has never once called him out on how hurtful and selfish he is?

tl;dr: This is the worst romance storyline I’ve read in a long time; Fitz and Millie deserve to have a long and nasty divorce; and they should never be allowed to marry anyone else because not a single human should have to endure either one of them. And Sherry Thomas is a heckin’ queen, and I will love her forever and ever.