I really enjoyed how accessible this book was. The conversational style (especially via the audiobook version which I consumed) is really intriguing & breaks down larger concepts into q&a type formats. There’s also a lot of storytelling & examples which I personally find helpful. I was drawn to this one as an alternative to “The Body Keeps Score” once I heard about the way that book opens with a soldier whose trauma is having r*ped women & girls. Truly sickening & im glad I chose to find another book that unpacks how our bodies & minds go through trauma. Overall, super solid & ive already noticed the ways I think about things changing. I definitely want to re-read this if I ever do have children as it holds tons of information on how what we experience in early childhood informs our life. Do recommend to anyone intrigued at unlearning & understanding✨

fun game next time I read it or if anyone is interested in reading it: take a shot/make a tally every time they say something along the lines of “not what’s wrong with you but whAT HAPPENED to you” hint: it’s a lot

Notes / key quotes
- “We elicit from the world what we project into the world. But what you project is based on what happened to you as a child”
- From reading a lot of books - You are clearly reflective & can go to places in your head & imagine things in the future that a lot of people have a hard time doing. That’s dissociation. It’s healthy, healing, & productive
- Oprah & intention: Intention proceeds every thought & every action. The outcome of your experience is determined by your intention going in …began making decisions by what she intended rather than what others wanted her to do
- We are looking for evidence that our worldview is accurate
- Can explain behaviors in “misbehaving” children &/or abusive relationships
- “We can’t get rid of the past. Therapy is more about building new associations, making new healthier default pathways….Therapy is building a better alternative “
- ✨!!!! In supporting someone who’s disregulated: “Words themselves are not very effective. The tone & rhythm of the voice probably has more impact than the actual words
- It’s best if you can simply be present. If you do use words, it’s best to simply restate what they’re saying. This is called reflective listening. You can’t talk someone out of feeling…But you can me a sponge & absorb their emotional intensity. If you stay regulated, ultimately they will catch your calm
- Also helps to use rhythmic regulative activity to keep yourself regulated while you’re doing this. Like taking a walk, coloring, kicking a ball back n forth”
- ✨ WALKING IS REGULATING - Especially regulating if you can walk in nature. The sensory elements of the natural world bathe us with their own regulating rhythms
- !!!!!! Helping a disregulated person: instead of “tell me what you’re thinking about” you need to let them control when and how much they’re going to talk about what’s upsetting them. If you give a person that control & help them feel safe, in their own time they’ll be more capable of talking…it allows them to create their own therapeutic pattern of recovery
- ✨!!!!! The same person can have very sincere antiracist beliefs, but still have implicit biases that result in racist comments or actions (due to sequential processes in the brain)
- You can’t become culturally sensitive from a 3 hour seminar…cultural sensitivity training—which may help get at the intellectual elements of learning—needs to be coupled with real experiences & real relationships. That’s what’ll help change you
- You can’t give what you don’t get !! Can’t give love if you’ve never experienced it, etc.