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A review by visceralreads
Enter the Dark House: Welcome to the Dark House / Return to the Dark House by Laurie Faria Stolarz
2.0
whew this is one thick book,, but i'm sorry to say that it wasn't worth my time
πππππππ ππ πππ π―πππ π³ππππ (#1)
<b>2/5 stars</b>
I really didn't enjoy this; the story dragged on for too long,, the characters felt so annoying, cliched, and hormonal,, the Nightmare Elf thing was a little kitsch,, and the deaths were so anti-climatic.
1. Story pacing:
I was bored out of my mind the whole time. Especially when the contestants are in the Dark House and just settling in, that takes up about 50% of the book. The rest is just a forced climax and a rushed ending.
2. Characters:
To be honest, I dislike <i>everyone</i> in this book except for Natalie. I get that Natalie isn't mentally sound at the moment, but can yall not be so mean to her? Especially Garth, you fucktard. I liked the different POVs shown in the book, but the characters still felt unfinished and forgettable. And they were also annoying asf (Taylor and Shayla's perkiness is so hard to read). I'm also annoyed that everyone is 'damn pretty/cute' or 'so ballcrushingly hot' and only the mentally ill girl isn't (iirc). Instalove is real yall, and I honestly feel nothing about Parker and Ivy.
3. The horror aspect:
I think it's cool-a Nightmare Elf that collects nightmares in his sack and makes it come true. Okay, I admit: the only 'mainstream' horror films I've watched are <i>Saw</i> and <i>Carrie</i>(the one with chloe grace moretz) but I do love gory and gut-wrenching horror. Suffice to say that the horror in this book doesn't meet my standards. But that's, of course, my taste in horror so please take this with a grain of salt. I know this is ridiculous but,,,, the names associated with the Nightmare Elf franchise (Little Sally Jacobs, Sebastian the slayer, Pudgy the Clown) seems so... i don't know, it's so 90's teen scream horror flick. But anyway, the nightmares are so underwhelming and predictable.
4. Pros?
The different formats are so cool- we have e-newsletters, posters, movie scripts (Parker's mental camera), letters, medical history etc. I find it so fun to read, I just love those funny letterings. I'm literally in love with them :))
Welp so that's my honest review of the first book in this giant book. I think I may have missed a lot of points but my brain's very fuzzy from finishing a book. Onto the next review!!
π½πππππ ππ πππ π―πππ π³ππππ (#2)
<b>2.5/5 stars</b>
Okay this one is a slight improvement from the first book, but maybe still not particularly spectacular.
1. Story pacing:
Better than the first. I mean, yeah, it flows pretty smoothly now. But the end was wildly condensed into less than 20 pages (from Parker's POV onwards). I still don't know what to make of that. Not very happy about the obvious cliffhanger or whatever is going on with the bodies and the killer. Will there be a third book???
2. Characters:
I like Ivy more now. Taylor? maybe not so much-too chirpy and the frequent horror movie references are annoying (if you don't watch A-list horror films like me). Ivy is fleshed out more in the second book, and I can really feel her more. I'm just annoyed that Taylor was just thrown away like that, like, she had so much potential with her funny little scream queen wannabe personality and it's just gone in the cheapest way possible. Also annoyed with the way Parker survived too, why not just let him die so that the story doesn't feel predictable once again. I like Natalie, I hope she gets the help she needs in the end. And also: WHAT HAPPENED TO 'MIDGE' AND THE GIRL IN THE TUB!?!?? they literally disappeared from the narrative, and I want to know what happened to them
2.5. The Killer:
honestly, what the fuck. we dont get his identity, we dont get his motivation, we dont get why he sounds so sultry while 'guiding?' an 18-ish girl to her death, we dont know why he targets said girl and goes out of his way to orchestrate an entire horror mansion essay competition balooza just to kill her, and we dont get what's up with his 'my Princess' catcalls (ik Ivy's childhood picture has a Princess name frame, but still). Did he kill the real Justin Blake so he can 'steal' his identity just for the essay competition?? Why the hell is the real Justin Blake okay with someone using his name to host that? Is the killer a pedophile? probably. he watched Ivy's every move since she was like 12 or something. Thats so sickening, why her specifically?? and I'd love to read his POV, see what's in his fucked up brain. Maybe that'll make him more fleshed out, i suppose.
3. The horror aspect:
yeehaw, i love me a haunted mansion amazing race. but i dont love the holograms, they're so confusing!! and what kind of balls technology even allow such realistic holograms in this economy??
4. Pros?
I think I liked how the story flows better in the second book, but my questions from the first book's ending went unanswered.
All in all, I'm just left feeling empty and disappointed after reading this. Had lots of potential with the premise but it just wasn't executed properly.
πππππππ ππ πππ π―πππ π³ππππ (#1)
<b>2/5 stars</b>
I really didn't enjoy this; the story dragged on for too long,, the characters felt so annoying, cliched, and hormonal,, the Nightmare Elf thing was a little kitsch,, and the deaths were so anti-climatic.
1. Story pacing:
I was bored out of my mind the whole time. Especially when the contestants are in the Dark House and just settling in, that takes up about 50% of the book. The rest is just a forced climax and a rushed ending.
2. Characters:
To be honest, I dislike <i>everyone</i> in this book except for Natalie. I get that Natalie isn't mentally sound at the moment, but can yall not be so mean to her? Especially Garth, you fucktard. I liked the different POVs shown in the book, but the characters still felt unfinished and forgettable. And they were also annoying asf (Taylor and Shayla's perkiness is so hard to read). I'm also annoyed that everyone is 'damn pretty/cute' or 'so ballcrushingly hot' and only the mentally ill girl isn't (iirc). Instalove is real yall, and I honestly feel nothing about Parker and Ivy.
3. The horror aspect:
I think it's cool-a Nightmare Elf that collects nightmares in his sack and makes it come true. Okay, I admit: the only 'mainstream' horror films I've watched are <i>Saw</i> and <i>Carrie</i>(the one with chloe grace moretz) but I do love gory and gut-wrenching horror. Suffice to say that the horror in this book doesn't meet my standards. But that's, of course, my taste in horror so please take this with a grain of salt. I know this is ridiculous but,,,, the names associated with the Nightmare Elf franchise (Little Sally Jacobs, Sebastian the slayer, Pudgy the Clown) seems so... i don't know, it's so 90's teen scream horror flick. But anyway, the nightmares are so underwhelming and predictable.
4. Pros?
The different formats are so cool- we have e-newsletters, posters, movie scripts (Parker's mental camera), letters, medical history etc. I find it so fun to read, I just love those funny letterings. I'm literally in love with them :))
Welp so that's my honest review of the first book in this giant book. I think I may have missed a lot of points but my brain's very fuzzy from finishing a book. Onto the next review!!
π½πππππ ππ πππ π―πππ π³ππππ (#2)
<b>2.5/5 stars</b>
Okay this one is a slight improvement from the first book, but maybe still not particularly spectacular.
1. Story pacing:
Better than the first. I mean, yeah, it flows pretty smoothly now. But the end was wildly condensed into less than 20 pages (from Parker's POV onwards). I still don't know what to make of that. Not very happy about the obvious cliffhanger or whatever is going on with the bodies and the killer. Will there be a third book???
2. Characters:
I like Ivy more now. Taylor? maybe not so much-too chirpy and the frequent horror movie references are annoying (if you don't watch A-list horror films like me). Ivy is fleshed out more in the second book, and I can really feel her more. I'm just annoyed that Taylor was just thrown away like that, like, she had so much potential with her funny little scream queen wannabe personality and it's just gone in the cheapest way possible. Also annoyed with the way Parker survived too, why not just let him die so that the story doesn't feel predictable once again. I like Natalie, I hope she gets the help she needs in the end. And also: WHAT HAPPENED TO 'MIDGE' AND THE GIRL IN THE TUB!?!?? they literally disappeared from the narrative, and I want to know what happened to them
2.5. The Killer:
honestly, what the fuck. we dont get his identity, we dont get his motivation, we dont get why he sounds so sultry while 'guiding?' an 18-ish girl to her death, we dont know why he targets said girl and goes out of his way to orchestrate an entire horror mansion essay competition balooza just to kill her, and we dont get what's up with his 'my Princess' catcalls (ik Ivy's childhood picture has a Princess name frame, but still). Did he kill the real Justin Blake so he can 'steal' his identity just for the essay competition?? Why the hell is the real Justin Blake okay with someone using his name to host that? Is the killer a pedophile? probably. he watched Ivy's every move since she was like 12 or something. Thats so sickening, why her specifically?? and I'd love to read his POV, see what's in his fucked up brain. Maybe that'll make him more fleshed out, i suppose.
3. The horror aspect:
yeehaw, i love me a haunted mansion amazing race. but i dont love the holograms, they're so confusing!! and what kind of balls technology even allow such realistic holograms in this economy??
4. Pros?
I think I liked how the story flows better in the second book, but my questions from the first book's ending went unanswered.
All in all, I'm just left feeling empty and disappointed after reading this. Had lots of potential with the premise but it just wasn't executed properly.