I’ve read two Laurie Frankel books this year and I think she is just one of my favorite writers. I love her sentences and her thoughts and the way she tells a story about a family. I could highlight every other sentence if I really thought about it, probably.

From little thoughts like 
“The sources, dubious and dubiouser,”… p8

To many thoughts on parenting :
“Never,” Penn agreed. “Not ever. Not once. You never know. You only guess. This is how it always is. You have to make these huge decisions on behalf of your kid, this tiny human whose fate and future is entirely in your hands, who trusts you to know what’s good and right and then to be able to make that happen. You never have enough information. You don’t get to see the future. And if you screw up, if with your incomplete, contradictory information you make the wrong call, well, nothing less than your child’s entire future and happiness is at stake. It’s impossible. It’s heartbreaking. It’s maddening. But there’s no alternative.” P 92

And community:
“I don’t know how you do it.” Heather. Her neighbor. This was another thing people always said, criticism disguised as compliment. P11

To life:
“how was an easier question than why. How was the same answer as it is for all impossible things you do anyway. One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. All for one and one for all.” P12

You can tell from the way she writes that this story is very personal to her, and that she has very much put her shoes in her character’s lives are:
“prepubertal children suffer from gender dysphoria in
direct proportion to attitudes and expectations they encounter at home, at school, and in their communities. If the parents are sending negative messages—even silent ones—that what a child does and who a child is are not okay, those are very powerful for a young person.” P76

**What I think this book tells most, is the story of empathy. I really thought about how I would feel if Claude was my child. I see this child from the viewpoint of two parents who truly unconditionally love their child, and want to do the best they can do. **


More quotes bc I don’t want to forget them:
““What an interesting child you’re raising—not that gender dysphoria, if that’s what this turns out to be, is caused by parenting, good or bad. But you must be doing a fine job if he’s come to you and said, ‘Mother, Dad, I must wear a dress,’ instead of hiding in shame.” P74

“It’s your story, sweetheart. Not just your story to pass on. Your story to make up as well. Over time, stories change; they shift; they become something new but with elements of the original and elements of what’s to come.” P292

“some secrets are secrets, whereas some secrets are lies.” P296

On storytelling and make believe:
“Just being yourself never worked, but if you made yourself up, you got to be exactly who you knew yourself to be.” P 296

Life in Thailand 
“In Thailand, lots kathoey. Not so big deal. We all Buddhist. Is karma. Is life. Is just another way to be.” P300

“Because you know what’s even better than happy endings?”…
      “Happy middles.”
      …“All the happy with none of the finality. All the happy with room enough to grow.
         What could be better than that?” P329

Author’s Note:
“no matter the issue, parenting always involves this balance between what you know, what you guess, what you fear, and what you imagine.” …

The novelist in me is inspired by how much raising children is like writing books: You don’t know where they’re going until they get there. You may think you do, but you’re probably wrong.

I wish for my child, for all our children, a world where they can be who they are and become their most loved, blessed, appreciated selves.