A review by leandrathetbrzero
When the Moon Hatched by Sarah A. Parker

Did not finish book. Stopped at 40%.
If I were Dante, the reading of this book would be one of my circles of Hell. I suffered. And When the Moon Hatched might have convinced me to finally start rating DNFs. šŸ¤£

Actual Rating: 0.25
DNF @ 40%

If you want my play by play thoughts, here they are but no promises that there arenā€™t spoilersā€¦the plots pretty predictable though so šŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø 

ā€¢ The descriptions have no function beyond the author trying hard to sound lyrical and prove she knows what a simile is
ā€¢ The gore is so overdone it begins to be comical. Charactersā€™ deaths take full chapters and somehow they can still hold full conversations when they really should have died/passed out immediately 
ā€¢ The mentions of poop, shit, shat, turds. Advice: do not make it a drinking game.
ā€¢ The love interests are classic: man in need of a good therapist that is 1 1/2 feet taller than our petite perky-boobed protagonist 
ā€¢ Female/male gives alpha male with a podcast energy ā€¦ch 15 ā€œif whipping a female makes you feel like a strong BOY.ā€ You have the word BOY in this male/female world? What?
ā€¢ Raeve is a terrible assassin šŸ¤£ no common sense or demonstration that she knows what sheā€™s doing
ā€¢ The language: ā€œdaeā€ you mean DAY? ā€œSkin suitā€ you mean clothes? 
ā€¢ One-folk showā€ and ā€œslumber terrorā€ and ā€œfull of dragon shitā€ šŸ™„ so you want them to speak like we do but make it sillier
ā€¢ ā€œCome forth to the lightā€ šŸ˜‘ What in the King Arthur? why are we weirdly old English randomly and speaking like they are from 2024 the rest of the time
ā€¢ Him smelling her. I canā€™t šŸ¤¢
ā€¢ Her sass and tough mouth/snark is not earned at all; the incompetence 
ā€¢ The main character is a violent immature teen on an adult womanā€™s body
ā€¢ ā€œWow these baby dragons and larger and stronger than I expectedā€ and it turns out itā€™s the love interest šŸ˜‘ ā€œlifts me like a sack of grainā€ šŸ˜‘ ā€œhe looks down upon meā€ while she is on his lap? ā€œStack of muscles that feel more like rocksā€ šŸ˜‘ ā€œheā€™s the biggest male Iā€™ve seen, in more ways than oneā€ she aims to kick him in the nuts and things ā€œconsidering the size of my target, I shouldnā€™t missā€ GOD SHUT UP.
ā€¢ The number of times she threatens to kill the love interest is so numbing by the 100th time, especially bc all she does is moon over his body; and him ā€œsay my nameā€ šŸ™„ and then he proceeds to not say her name but calls her moonbeam šŸ¤¢šŸ¤®
ā€¢ Ew ew ew is this dragon ride the one horse trope?? šŸ¤® okay false alarm
ā€¢ She speaks like a teenager and he speaks at times like heā€™s from a different time. yuck.
ā€¢ Why does he pick up and toss her around so much šŸ˜’
ā€¢ Sticking their tongues out at each other. Are they children?? I swear this is so YA it pains me
ā€¢ Why doesnā€™t she ask him why he randomly gives her the nickname moonbeam. Ugh Seven Year Slip flashbacks
ā€¢ All she does is look at his body. His MANHOOD. WHY DO WE HAVE THE WORD MANHOOD BUT USE ā€œFEMALEā€ and ā€œMALEā€??
ā€¢ The predictability of this narrative, with who Raeve is, her history with Kaan
ā€¢ Iā€™m suffering.
ā€¢ I love how she calls herself cursed when she has been the luckiest mf Iā€™ve ever seen
ā€¢ If she says ā€œtha-dumpā€ one more time
ā€¢She may actually be the dumbest protagonist Iā€™ve ever encountered. Itā€™s exhausting to follow her POV
ā€¢ Iā€™m already tired of him trying to get her to remember who she is and who he is šŸ™„ reminds me of that Sarah macadams and tanning chatum movie that I never watched
ā€¢ ā€œIm not usually so bad at slaughteringā€ LOL says the worst assassin in existence 
ā€¢ ā€œShe snorts soup through her nose laughing at such a random moment and ā€œit feels good. I never know it could feel so good.ā€ Dear god.
ā€¢ ā€œHe doesnā€™t want X Y or Z. He wants something worseā€¦meā€ šŸ˜‘ and then he feeds her like a childā€¦I mean, youngling šŸ˜’ What.