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A review by cordelia_gretson
Written In The Stars by Alexandria Bellefleur
3.0
2.5⭐️
Picked this back up after several queer friends and my wife told me they liked it, but it just ultimately falls flat. It pains me to give such a low rating, but this book seriously made me question if queer people really like these books or if they are only liked because of a lack of options that we settle for mediocrity. This is just another example of being reduced to a stereotypical trope (grumpy/sunshine and fake dating), a poor excuse for a retelling of mashed up classics (Pride and Prejudice), and wanting to be no more than a cliché. I’ll likely return to fanfic for a while before punishing myself with another tiresome, eye-rolling formulaic Hallmark inspired book that I fight to stay awake through. If it wasn’t for my deep desired to not DNF a book I would have tossed this aside, but I hate wasting money and I’ve already paid for it. I want more from these books and am sad to report that it doesn’t seem to be out there at the moment.
There were a few lines that made me chuckle along the way, “I didn’t realize it would be such a big dill.” “Is that your solution to everything? Just tell everyone I know to fuck off?” “Brendon was getting fucking socks for Christmas. Boring, black, argyle ones.” But they were far and in between. Spice content was a pleasant surprise, but quickly ruined with stereotypical drama. Can’t just have minor confrontations in the WLW world, nope- bring all fiery chemistry to a complete halt after a scene and a half (after consuming at least half the book). There’s an art to a slow burn- but they fizzled out just as soon as they caught and forced the reader to choke on smoke and ash for the remainder of the book.
As characters, Elle is an insufferable mess of a human (even she claims to be a mess). She knows what makes her happy is seen by many as a pseudoscience and complete bullshit - grow a damn backbone and own it then. A definition of a tequila bottle human - pretty, aesthetically pleasing, intriguing even- until you take the top off and realize consuming it is full of regrets. I can’t stand her on principle with her, “an eleven, easy” comment with a ranking system of 1 through 10. She set the parameters, drew up the imaginary lines and just blatantly disregards them. Comments like, “sweet Saturn, Mary, and Joseph.” Oh, fucking Christ on a cupcake. She’s a fruity pebble that’s cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs in a unicorn onesie and demands to be taken seriously. Nope, I fucking cannot with her.
Even her reaction to first seeing D’Arcy in her bra, “gah!” Are you fucking kidding? As a reader - what. A. Buzz. Kill. The mood was gone and right before their pivotal *scene*
Darcy brings the rating of this book up. She’s a realist with expectations of herself, goals, desires with a plan to achieve them. She’s humorous is a dry, punny, and dark way that gives good contrast to the walking glitterbomb- erm, Elle. She’s not heartless, in fact sentimental and does feel emotions despite what Elle thinks - some people just don’t spew them everywhere for everyone to have to deal with and clean up. She’s complex and has an incredibly painful past (not that she’s able to get to a point with her potential relationship with Elle to explain that before she goes awol). Based on her internal comments, it appears that she would have found a way to tell Elle in her own time, instead of having her brother dump the information on her.
It’s frustrating to see Elle constantly talk about being upfront and telling Darcy what she wanted the whole time. Claiming that she’s been upfront the whole time even to Brendon “when exactly have I even been anything other than totally honest?” (Oh gee, when you entered a fake relationship with his sister and lied by omission - since you think you’re all high and mighty. Pull your enlarging head out of your ass before you perforate your colon). Darcy does in fact tell her want she wants - specifically that a relationship isn’t what she wants - their stars don’t align (so to speak) and yet she’s upset that what? Darcy didn’t change enough to meet her expectations? Claiming she doesn’t have a heart - a great way to make someone open up, btw - truly spectacular. Maybe, as a self-proclaimed mess Elle could internally process some of her feelings instead of vomiting them on anyone in her surroundings and forcing them to take care of her. What’s wrong with you Elle, you ask? You don’t know how to process feelings without blaming others and crying, ‘woe is me.’ She throws a fit and walks when times get tough and proves she’s a disappointment that believes Darcy owes her the apology - and this is the woman that wants a commitment. Jfc. She really makes me bash my head into the wall when she “misses optimism” - good grief. She proves time and time again that she doesn’t learn for her experiences (despite having so many feelings about *everything*).
In the end, I don’t even care if they are together. Punching Elle in the face would have been my own personal reward. I’m not convinced the author can’t write completely though - Darcy, Margot, Brendon, and even their families - the tension and dynamics show potential, but such an unlovable and annoying FMC ruined it.
Picked this back up after several queer friends and my wife told me they liked it, but it just ultimately falls flat. It pains me to give such a low rating, but this book seriously made me question if queer people really like these books or if they are only liked because of a lack of options that we settle for mediocrity. This is just another example of being reduced to a stereotypical trope (grumpy/sunshine and fake dating), a poor excuse for a retelling of mashed up classics (Pride and Prejudice), and wanting to be no more than a cliché. I’ll likely return to fanfic for a while before punishing myself with another tiresome, eye-rolling formulaic Hallmark inspired book that I fight to stay awake through. If it wasn’t for my deep desired to not DNF a book I would have tossed this aside, but I hate wasting money and I’ve already paid for it. I want more from these books and am sad to report that it doesn’t seem to be out there at the moment.
There were a few lines that made me chuckle along the way, “I didn’t realize it would be such a big dill.” “Is that your solution to everything? Just tell everyone I know to fuck off?” “Brendon was getting fucking socks for Christmas. Boring, black, argyle ones.” But they were far and in between. Spice content was a pleasant surprise, but quickly ruined with stereotypical drama. Can’t just have minor confrontations in the WLW world, nope- bring all fiery chemistry to a complete halt after a scene and a half (after consuming at least half the book). There’s an art to a slow burn- but they fizzled out just as soon as they caught and forced the reader to choke on smoke and ash for the remainder of the book.
As characters, Elle is an insufferable mess of a human (even she claims to be a mess). She knows what makes her happy is seen by many as a pseudoscience and complete bullshit - grow a damn backbone and own it then. A definition of a tequila bottle human - pretty, aesthetically pleasing, intriguing even- until you take the top off and realize consuming it is full of regrets. I can’t stand her on principle with her, “an eleven, easy” comment with a ranking system of 1 through 10. She set the parameters, drew up the imaginary lines and just blatantly disregards them. Comments like, “sweet Saturn, Mary, and Joseph.” Oh, fucking Christ on a cupcake. She’s a fruity pebble that’s cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs in a unicorn onesie and demands to be taken seriously. Nope, I fucking cannot with her.
Even her reaction to first seeing D’Arcy in her bra, “gah!” Are you fucking kidding? As a reader - what. A. Buzz. Kill. The mood was gone and right before their pivotal *scene*
Darcy brings the rating of this book up. She’s a realist with expectations of herself, goals, desires with a plan to achieve them. She’s humorous is a dry, punny, and dark way that gives good contrast to the walking glitterbomb- erm, Elle. She’s not heartless, in fact sentimental and does feel emotions despite what Elle thinks - some people just don’t spew them everywhere for everyone to have to deal with and clean up. She’s complex and has an incredibly painful past (not that she’s able to get to a point with her potential relationship with Elle to explain that before she goes awol). Based on her internal comments, it appears that she would have found a way to tell Elle in her own time, instead of having her brother dump the information on her.
It’s frustrating to see Elle constantly talk about being upfront and telling Darcy what she wanted the whole time. Claiming that she’s been upfront the whole time even to Brendon “when exactly have I even been anything other than totally honest?” (Oh gee, when you entered a fake relationship with his sister and lied by omission - since you think you’re all high and mighty. Pull your enlarging head out of your ass before you perforate your colon). Darcy does in fact tell her want she wants - specifically that a relationship isn’t what she wants - their stars don’t align (so to speak) and yet she’s upset that what? Darcy didn’t change enough to meet her expectations? Claiming she doesn’t have a heart - a great way to make someone open up, btw - truly spectacular. Maybe, as a self-proclaimed mess Elle could internally process some of her feelings instead of vomiting them on anyone in her surroundings and forcing them to take care of her. What’s wrong with you Elle, you ask? You don’t know how to process feelings without blaming others and crying, ‘woe is me.’ She throws a fit and walks when times get tough and proves she’s a disappointment that believes Darcy owes her the apology - and this is the woman that wants a commitment. Jfc. She really makes me bash my head into the wall when she “misses optimism” - good grief. She proves time and time again that she doesn’t learn for her experiences (despite having so many feelings about *everything*).
In the end, I don’t even care if they are together. Punching Elle in the face would have been my own personal reward. I’m not convinced the author can’t write completely though - Darcy, Margot, Brendon, and even their families - the tension and dynamics show potential, but such an unlovable and annoying FMC ruined it.