“You don’t have to be completely healed to be everything I want.” 

 

I was looking for an easy listen for a long road trip and this seemed to fit the bill. Shoutout to Libro.fm for the ALC. And to my partner who picked it off a shelf at a bookstore and joked "How to end a love story? Murrrdeerrrrrrr." (said a la Gus from Psych, iykyk) ...and then consented to stand and pose with the book when I told him I was planning to read it and would need a photo for the review. 

 

Quick synopsis for this one: Helen and Grant haven't seen each other once since the accident over ten years before that changed both their lives forever. But now, Grant is one of the lead screenwriters for the tv series adaptation of Helen's best-selling YA series. Their coworking starts (unstandable) rocky, but over time, the two grow close - supporting each other in ways they have rarely found from anyone else, through their shared (or at least tangential) experiences of trauma and grief and maybe even a little (finally) processing of it all. But there's no way, with a past like theirs, and no chance of Helen's parents ever forgiving Grant, that it can ever turn into anything permanent. It'll just hurt them more to force it, right? Or, can helping each other make peace with that past and move on only happen together? 

 

Well, I enjoyed this one. I didn't know what the accident was prior to starting reading, and it ended up being a much more intense (in general and emotionally, for me) situation than I'd been anticipating. Maybe you already know what it is, but if not, I don't want to spoil it. Though, I will say, please read content warnings for this, because there are a number of aspects of said accident and the aftermath that could be difficult to read, depending on your own life experiences. Anyways, as a romance novel, I was assuming it would be something reasonably minor, that could be "gotten over" quickly and then the focus would shift fully to the romance. But no: this accident was a huge deal, legitimately life-changing (really, potentially shattering) for both Helen and Grant. And it was woven in fully and completely throughout every part of this novel. As such, it was, I felt, incredibly nuanced. And made for a much more profound read. My emotional swings were all over the place while reading, as Grant and Helen's clearly were while living it, and that made for a really impactful literary experience. I am really impressed with the way Kuang balanced such breadth, while maintaining the quick, smooth pacing of a romance novel. And spice! Because while the slow tension build is genuine and sooooo good, when we finally get to them, the spicy scenes delivereddddd. 

 

One of the highlights of this book, for me, was the character development. Every aspect of Grant and Helen, individually and together, was thorough and felt real. There was so much low self-esteem and second-guessing and social self-consciousness and (absolutely opposite, but not particularly healthy) coping mechanisms... It did get to be a lot to read at a few points, but it also always made sense within the greater story. And its presence was also part of, and necessary for, the overall wonderful and complex emotional development. I know there is a chance that a relationship that grows out of shared trauma can be unhealthy, but also, I love the hope in the way that Kuang chose to write/see it. Maybe Grant and Helen found the one and single person with whom they could fully process their trauma alongside, but only within the framing of the distance of time....of course, none of this would have been possible in the same way when they were teens, in the immediate aftermath. And they did each get some space to heal separately as well - especially Helen. Deciding that the other was worth working through their own challenges, making the effort to finally process and come to terms (to forgive and/or be forgiven), was spurred specifically by the realization that wanting to be with the other, free from that shadow of that shared past, was worth it. They each may have continued to coast through life - fine and successful, but never a "best life" - but they gave each other a reason to want/grow towards more. And I wish that for everyone, however and with whoever they can find it. So yea, this was a more emotionally difficult romance than normal, but the finale meant more as a result. 

 

Helen's complicated relationship with her parents was also written spectacularly. Kuang layered generational differences, cultural pieces, overbearing presences (and the resulting passive aggressive distancing that results), immigrant/first gen narratives, and loss/grief together with a deft touch. It walked the same line as the rest of the story, as far as being genuine and affecting, but also straightforward/easy enough to fit the romance genre (similar to how The Verifiers walked that line as a mystery novel). 

 

I also really liked the framework of the YA novel adaptation and screenwriting storyline. It felt very salient to IRL books and tv right now. And, while I know nothing about this process, so it could be inaccurate AF, it gave some timelines and ultimatum dates and reasons for this "reunion" to be possible that felt absolutely natural and unforced (a sort of miracle, IMO, for romance novels). Plus, as a reader, I always have a soft spot for when readers/writers get to be MCs in ways that feel authentic. The multiple ways that writing and screen-writing made it into the style and storytelling was smooth and fun. 

 

 So yea, I felt like this novel was the perfect mix of hot and sweet, sexy and homey/comforting, and emotional ups and downs. On the more intense end of the romance spectrum, but still solidly in that genre. I would definitely recommend it.