“There is so much I didn’t see, or didn’t want to see.”

In this memoir, Eilene Zimmerman tells the story of her ex-husband Peter’s secret, one she learns of only after his death. She gives details of their courtship, marriage, careers, parenthood, and divorce. Then tells of her discoveries after his death and what she failed to see - all pointing to our stereotypes and lack of understanding about drug abuse and addiction in elite circles. 

Zimmerman delivers facts seamlessly with the narrative, traveling from present knowledge to past thoughts and experiences. It was easy to track both and helpful to have the facts shared at the relevant time. The latter half of the book focuses more on the alarming rates of addiction and drug use, plus the underlying reasons from studies and anecdotal evidence.  People abuse drugs for these top three reasons, “to manage physical pain, to manage emotional and psychiatric distress, and to manage stress.”

This book was easy to read because of great writing and difficult to read because of the tragedy of death and family pain. I had physical reactions while I read including many tears. Still, I am glad I read it.  One section that stuck out to me from the book follows. 

“Some of the professionals I interview know they have a drug problem but aren’t seeking help. Many are in recovery, and others use but feel they don’t have a problem. For the latter group, drugs are simply a hack – a shortcut – a way to be more productive, more focused, less depressed, less anxious, more chill, more social, less bored, more creative, just better, without having to go through the uncomfortable process of self examination and self reflection. Without having to, for example, get more sleep, eat healthier, meditate, spend time with family and friends, get a psychiatric evaluation and treatment. Those things take time, and time is one thing many of those in this group feel is in short supply.”

Surely we have the time.