I'm finding it hard to come up with words to put here. This was a deeply emotional and well-woven representation of fandom life as a young woman, living with a disability, chronic illness, addiction, and identity. 

As I sat reading it, I had my phone open on ads to gather points to vote for my current oshi's group on music shows. The irony did not escape me. I felt vile and yet so alive at the same time. As my oshi's group wins their fourth trophy this week, I feel a single spark of joy that quickly fizzles out into the air. But if there's anything at all that keeps me on this earth I must grasp it with two hands. I have learned this with too much difficulty to let myself renounce any of the love I give freely. But maybe next round of promotions I'll click on one less ad, buy one less CD.