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A review by 18soft_green
Dayspring by Anthony Oliveira
Did not finish book. Stopped at 48%.
Pretentious, confusing. I think I’d like it more if I read a hard copy instead of listening so I may try that. It’s beautiful in moments and creatively inspiring. But also annoying in that it changes narratives so often and quickly. But maybe it was building up to something and I just didn’t get there. Also where are the trans characters?
But mostly I just dislike how obsessed John’s present narrative is with its own grief. It’s not unique or deep and I’ve always hated these types of narratives/characters because to me they feel so privileged and selfish. To be fair though, I think my hatred is at least partially resentment that I didn’t and don’t have the means to be such a fucking self centered deadbeat. Not to say that grief is a privilege, it will find you sometime and ruin your life no matter how good at self sabotaging you are. And mental illness doesn’t give a fuck whether you have the means to deal with it I not but that’s why you fucking cope, find help, and deal with your problems instead of living in them. And I’m not being ableist or cruel, I have several disabilities and a hella lot of queer trauma and I’ve lost everything several times and have been hospitalized, self harm scars, etc… I write poetry about my issues and write stories for fun and to organize my trauma and all that shit… It’s partially just that John’s depression isn’t interesting to read about because it’s not story, it’s static. But I hate it because it loses connection with reality in it’s selfish nostalgia of what was. It dwells on the tragedy of the world instead of doing something. It focuses on peoples hurts instead of who they are. It’s belittling. But again, maybe this changes somewhere farther in the book than I got. I just could tolerate the prose of gentle depression anymore.
Also the style the David and Jonathon story was told in was inconsistent and too vague for my taste.
Maybe I’ll change my mind if I finish the book someday but as of now I would not recommend it to anyone. Even if I think they’d like it, I want fewer books like this.
But mostly I just dislike how obsessed John’s present narrative is with its own grief. It’s not unique or deep and I’ve always hated these types of narratives/characters because to me they feel so privileged and selfish. To be fair though, I think my hatred is at least partially resentment that I didn’t and don’t have the means to be such a fucking self centered deadbeat. Not to say that grief is a privilege, it will find you sometime and ruin your life no matter how good at self sabotaging you are. And mental illness doesn’t give a fuck whether you have the means to deal with it I not but that’s why you fucking cope, find help, and deal with your problems instead of living in them. And I’m not being ableist or cruel, I have several disabilities and a hella lot of queer trauma and I’ve lost everything several times and have been hospitalized, self harm scars, etc… I write poetry about my issues and write stories for fun and to organize my trauma and all that shit… It’s partially just that John’s depression isn’t interesting to read about because it’s not story, it’s static. But I hate it because it loses connection with reality in it’s selfish nostalgia of what was. It dwells on the tragedy of the world instead of doing something. It focuses on peoples hurts instead of who they are. It’s belittling. But again, maybe this changes somewhere farther in the book than I got. I just could tolerate the prose of gentle depression anymore.
Also the style the David and Jonathon story was told in was inconsistent and too vague for my taste.
Maybe I’ll change my mind if I finish the book someday but as of now I would not recommend it to anyone. Even if I think they’d like it, I want fewer books like this.