while this book was incredibly repetitive at times; the writing style is nothing spectacular; and you can piece the ending together from rather early on; I can't help but feel inclined to rate it 4 stars. it's such a raw and harrowing exploration of guilt, generational trauma and mental illness that is relevant now more than ever. yara's journey is one that is very personal to me and one that was, at times, incredibly difficult to read, as, in her pain and experiences, I saw so many elements of myself and the women around me (as an arab myself, although yara and I come from different backgrounds since I'm not palestinian) - to the extent where, at multiple points in the story, I had to pause my audiobook and sit in silence for a few minutes to process what I'd listened to before I could press "play" again.

what made this an even more hard-hitting narrative, however, was the fact that yara is palestinian-american. the discussions of israel's colonial oppression of palestine through the "yara's journal" segments of this novel were all too relevant, given the escalation of violence in palestine by israel over the last 16 months. stories like these desperately need to be told, and we need to continue to amplify the voices of palestinians as they continue to endure genocide and oppression.

I wish I could write a more comprehensive review of this novel, but there are so many thoughts clouding my mind and I need to sit with them for a bit longer. overall, this book was fantastic and one that I will continue to think about for a while.