📚 Review: This was like a fever dream. I see why people say it was so influential in trans literature and in general - and I loved it. I think it was a great commentary on the individuality of being trans while also being existing as part of a community. This book was a joy to read, though it was definitely sad, but also had a lot of queer and trans and feminist theory. This style and writing isn’t for everyone, but I loved it and this book. It was so relevant when it was written and today, and I can’t wait to revisit it. Nevada was rough, gritty, queer, and powerful. TLDR - gender is a construct. 

Some of my favourite quotes:

"I have been trans since I was little.

There is this dumb thing where trans women feel like we all have to prove that we're totally trans as fuck and there's no doubt in our minds that we're Really, Truly Trans. It comes from the fact you have to prove that you're trans to psychologists and doctors: the burden is entirely on your own shoulders to prove that you're Really Trans in order to get any treatment at all.” 

“Six years on and it's still weird to be called Miss. Not bad, just like, oh yeah, I guess I did that. Who knows whether that part of being trans ever fades. Probably not. Or more specifically, probably not when you still have to shave, when your junk still gets in the way and makes your clothes fit wrong every morning. It probably doesn't go away until you are rich.”

“She wakes up around four thirty and feels rested. Do other people feel like this all the time? It's fucked up.”

“Because if he's being totally honest with himself, on some level James has already figured out that this girl is trans and while he hasn't processed what that means yet he is having this desperate magnetic attraction to her.

Like not even sexual. Just like, I want to be your Facebook friend or something. I need to grab you, to have you in my life. Whatever.”

“Plus the world has moved on from the narrative that says being trans is something to be avoided at all costs; it's moved on from the narrative that says the only way to be trans is to be young and tiny and pretty and into men and to transition and then disappear. There's a much better understanding of what it means to be trans now: you just are trans. The fact that your transition might not go smoothly because of the shape of your body or the shape of your family or the shape of your personality or the way that your sexuality has been shaped does not mean that therefore you can just decide not to be trans. You can't will it away. Deciding to will it away is a defense mechanism that is inevitably going to fail and you'll be back where you started: trans. Just older and more entrenched in a life that itself is not much more than a coping mechanism designed to keep you from having to be trans in the real world. If you're trans you're trans and if you're obsessed with whether you might be trans you probably are trans.” 

Went to see I Saw the TV Glow recently and that brought me into the vicinity of this book. This book displays an experience of a trans person in a very genuine and informative light. Maria's dealing with life and how being trans is interacting with the different aspects of life. You see the day to day and I think it is a good perspective to see from. Although Maria's own experience may not be that of everyone else's , she provides a lot of general knowledge for transgenderism that lays decent foundations to look into more as well as more specific knowledge for trans femmes. The book also just ends.. I believe it's to promote completing the journey layed out in your own perspective but loose ends are an interpretive dance so interpret it how you will. My digital copy I had did not like my ereader but I got through it eventually :)

Ty very much L for the recommendation.

a gritty and relatable depiction of transness that took my breath away multiple times

It is written as a collection of experiences and commentary without conclusiveness, which contributes to the appeal of Nevada being subjective. I found myself wanting more. I was hoping for Maria to have significant character development after a fistful of chapters, but the continuous self loathing is probably the point. It may force you to reflect upon your own monologues of insecurity and bitterness if you recognize any transcribed unresolved, messy thought-- That, I find value in. Whilst at times frustrating, I think the psyche is well constructed. I enjoyed the punk elements, nerdiness, and criticisms. However, the tonal similarity between James, Maria, and the narrator made me long for further differentiation between each voice. Despite this, I enjoyed the biting narration, finding it very memorable, but I acknowledge that may be due to my underconsumption of 2000s writing.

For those who feel dead inside and don't understand why: Read this book before you buy $400 of heroin, steal your ex's car, and drive across the country hoping to figure out why you feel so empty. Hint: you're probably transgender and dealing with the trauma of repressing it for so long.