Not quite a year ago I read Dave Cullen's Columbine, which was published in 2009. Its a long book and it was such an intense experience that I started having nightmares about the tragedy, something I've never had happen from reading a book.

At one point, Cullen states that neither the Harris' nor the Klebold's had ever spoken publicly about Columbine. It felt like such a huge missing piece. And it raised questions like: "Well, why haven't they ever spoken out?" "If they didn't do anything wrong, why wouldn't they say something? Defend themselves?" "What could have gone so wrong in their homes that it culminated in this?" "What must they have felt?" "What must they still be feeling?"

I regarded the parents and their decision to remain quiet with suspicion. So when I saw that Sue Klebold had released a book, I found myself eager to get answers to some of those questions.

I give all this background because without realizing it, I had been thinking about this book as a companion to Columbine. But instead, it turned out to be a powerful lesson for me in compassion, as well as a meditation on assumption, perspective, and the complexities of human nature.

It's an honest and brave book and it is very well written. Sue's topics ranges widely: the Klebold's early family life, the events from the day, the immediate aftermath, the prolonged aftermath, the lawsuits, the interactions with victim's families, the range of people's responses toward Sue over the years, the lasting effects on her own physical and mental health, the role of media and reporting ethics, mental health (which she calls brain health), depression, suicide, and suicide prevention.

Sue begins each chapter with diary entries from either before or after the tragedy. She acknowledges all the questions I listed above and many more. She says she's spent the last 17 years asking herself the same questions and attempting to answer them as best she can. Her approach is even; she doesn't try to cast herself, her family, or Dylan in any particular light, even when her thoughts, actions, or feelings are unflattering. For example, she spent months in denial about Dylan's role in Columbine, thinking there was no way he was willing participant - thinking he must have been pressured into participating. She acknowledges that there were signs that things were wrong in the months leading up to the events, even if she didn't know enough at the time to do anything differently. She also discusses a seemingly tone-deaf decision to go get her hair cut the day after the shooting which was highly scrutinized by the media. These are painful moments, but they provide balance and are what make her story so human.

I listened to this book, which is read by the author. There is a sadness in her voice as she reads. There is also compassion and love. At no point does her love mitigate her outrage, horror, anger, grief, or fear. She never attempts to excuse or defend Dylan or his actions. And she never apologizes for loving her son, which is perhaps her bravest statement of all. Instead she offers her unique perspective on Dylan, her regrets about her role in what happened, the lessons she has learned, and her thoughts on how similar events might be prevented though better mental health care and suicide prevention.

This book sits heavy on the heart, but it is a worthwhile and eye-opening read and I wish Sue Klebold the best.

Brave, honest, informative, healing. And yet, much of her parenting advice is alarmist, and possibly damaging. I understand that Sue Klebold, more than most any other person on the planet, needs to find a why. I also understand that many of the behaviors she identifies as signs of suicidal ideation are also pretty standard teenage behaviors. Rolling in with random room searches and such only destroys trust. And unless your kid is an idiot a room search only works once before they just hide things elsewhere. All that said I learned a great deal about grief and depression from a smart, articulate, compassionate person.

"As I learned all too well, brain health isn't an 'us versus them' situation. Every one of us has the capacity to suffer in this way, and most of us - at some time in our lives - will. We teach our kids the importance of good dental care, proper nutrition, and financial responsibility. How many of us teach our children to monitor their own brain health, or know how to do it ourselves?

I did not know, and the greatest regret of my life is that I didn't teach Dylan."

This was a harrowing and brave book. This wasn't an easy read. In it, Sue Klebold, mother of one of the Columbine shooters, tells of her grief, horror and shame, as she tries to work out why her son came to carry out one of the worst shootings in US history. It has reshaped how I think of the families of murderers. Dylan was clearly beloved by his family and well-cared for. Klebold explores his behaviours in the run-up to the tragedy - behaviours that, at the time, she did not realise were indicators of depression and mental illness. She now works as a suicide prevention activist. At no point does she excuse Dylan's crimes - and indeed much of the book focuses on the anguish and suffering of his victims. However, ultimately, the truly frightening message of this book is that Dylan was no "monster": he was an ordinary teen, who became profoundly unwell, with devastating consequences.

All profits from the book are donated to research and to charitable organisations focusing on mental health issues.

She makes me angry

Rating: 3.5

Growing up in Littleton, April 20th carries a tangible dread with it. Sue Klebold's controversial memoir explores her relationship with her son, Dylan, in both life and death, as she wrestles with trying to make sense of his heinous crime, while also mourning his loss. Her memoir exceeds her own memories though, and she uses her book to advocate for "brain illness" and the shocking, difficult confrontation with the truth that no parents may be safe from having a Columbine in their own family. She supports her claims with research and through sharing other suicide loss survivor's stories. Her aim is to make parents wake up, and encourage honest, sometimes difficult, conversations with their children, and she is successful.

I read in a scathing op/ed that Klebold's book feels like a bitter plea to rid herself, and Dylan, of the horrendous murders he and Eric committed. It questioned her timing (addressed in this book) and her motivations. After having read it, I could not disagree more with any of those assertions. Klebold seeks, not to pardon, but to humanize her son, a lofty goal considering his final day. She does this not to make us pity her (though we do) or feel an acute sense of her being caught between love and anger (though we do) but to warn parents to open their eyes to their children, no matter how perfect their family may appear.

Sue Klebold is a gifted, if inexperienced writer. Her prose is poetic and haunting, but her organization and editing needs fine tuning. She repeats several stories and ideas, seemingly lost in her own head, which, while not necessarily enjoyable, does present a powerful metaphor for the chaos she is enveloped in.

Overall, A Mother's Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy is a courageous and moving portrait of a family torn apart, and a grim reminder to not only hug the ones we love, but look them in the eye and ask how they are doing, truly and earnestly.

I was hesitant to read this book, but became intrigued after hearing Sue Klebold recently interviewed on NPR. I loved that she said all the author proceeds from this book would be donated to research and charitable organizations focusing on mental health issues. This book was so much more than what I expected. Colombine was a horrendous tragedy that Sue Klebold never downplays. Mental health issues (or brain health issues as she terms it) are often undetected to those closest to the person suffering. In this book, she sheds light on what she knew and she has learned in the years after Colombine. She was extremely brave to share in this way. I learned a lot.

This was a hard book to read. Sue Klebold, mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the Columbine shooters, share her journey as she deals with the aftermath of her son's murder and suicide. She is honest as she reflects on Dylan's childhood and teen years leading up to the event, questions what she could have done differently, and shares her struggles to come to terms with Dylan's actions.

We are discussing this book at book club next month. I checked out the audio for a long trip and brought another book along too as I didn't think I would be able to listen to this one without breaks. I was wrong. I found the first half riveting. The second half wasn't quite as riveting and got a bit repetitive.

Sue Klebold comes across as completely sincere in her desire to help other parents pick up queues she and her husband missed in Dylan. Her own feelings of guilt and remorse come through clearly as well. An important read as we as a country continue to grapple with school shootings.

This is a great companion book to Dave Cullen's Columbine.