1. Part of it is my own fault for reading a decade old book and hoping to gain something relevant from it. In short, most of this has aged like milk
2. The author promises to deliver the secrets that men think that women would never know. The big secrets? Oh no don’t

wear a low cut top at work

. Or, women couldn’t possibly know that

men view any expression of internal thought as emotion when a woman does it, and then internally penalize them for being “emotional”

. Oh, can’t forget the SUPER SECRET

men want women to act like the narrow interpretation of women in society at all times

.
3. Research isn’t faulty, but still is flawed. Like for example, she was trying to demonstrate that women’s low cut tops are “just too distracting” for a presentation. But they could have used many scenarios other than “low cut/not low cut”. Like why not try a bright neon color top with men? An obvious stain? Why not also find a sample population of gay men? It seems like this books surveys really put in the effort of a 101 level freshman in college. 

You’ll learn nothing new. I promise you I gained nothing from this book. I wish I could hate it. But it’s not even hate-able. Just bland and blatantly obvious.

I apologize in advance for my ranting as it's going to probably feel very disjointed. I wrote most of this review while reading the book. Basically, I'd throw in a paragraph here and there when I heard it so I could make sure to get the information down as accurately as possible.

I’m going to start this review by saying that some of the research in this book was interesting, and I won’t say I hated all of it. However, that said, most of this information leans towards women needing to change themselves to do well in the workplace, while men do not. Though she also said that women don’t need to change, they need to be themselves. But we have to work the way men work or they won’t respect us. So we’ve reached a Catch-22.

I did like some of the research she did about how men's and women's brains are different. While none of this is groundbreaking information, the psychology was interesting to hear again. If this book had just been about the different processing methods between men and women’s brains, I would’ve really enjoyed it! Instead, we ended up with a preachy book about how women need to adjust in the workplace to not step on men’s toes.

I would just like to say that I feel slightly gaslighted by this author. She started the book out with stories of how women who disliked her research weren't going to get anywhere in business because they refused to set aside their feelings and adapt. “We wanted you to do this training specifically for her! She’s shooting herself in the foot because she refuses to listen.” Stop preaching and maybe explain to the guys what they need to do to help us understand. Not just reply to an anonymous survey explaining how women aren’t fitting into their perfect, male-centered world.

This book relies heavily on stereotyping men and women. Men compartmentalize, women multitask. Men view their "work world" and "home world" as different places, women don't (whaaa???). Men have some serious imposter syndrome going on, women don't (again, whaaa? I'm double-checking to make sure I've not been lying to everyone about being a woman). Men must show respect to their coworkers, women don't understand that (what the heck is this?). Men have unspoken rules about the workplace environment, and women <i>just don't get it.</i> Also, because I can't get over this, I'm going to mention it. Women applying lipstick at their desks can pull men out of "work world," so we shouldn't do that. How ridiculous. 

Fun fact: Did you know that you should act professional in the workplace? I have NO IDEA at all. What a mind-blowing thought. Apparently, we shouldn't sigh in exasperation, roll our eyes, or cross our arms when someone annoys us at work. I can't believe that I'm being expected to be professional and respectful of other people at work!

"It's just business." I absolutely HATE the way that this is described. Men: "I'm in my work world. This has nothing to do with life outside work." Women: "I know this sucks, but this has to be done." They are basically the same thing. Women, do you think of your personal life and your work life as the same world? This might just be the INTJ, unemotional side of me, but work and home life are very different. Does this make me a man? Not at all. I spoke to my housemate, and she agrees that she does the same thing. Work and home are separate. In fact, my dad is worse at keeping his home and work life separate than my mom, my housemate, and me!

She then mentioned later on how men are always under pressure because they feel like their "work world" will fall apart if they relax at all, or if something (like a woman's emotions) takes up time they could be working. I'll give her that. I've seen my dad and brothers all behave like that. But that contradicts the "work world" "home world" theory! If men are always thinking about work, even at home, then are they really separating the two? This ties back to my statement where I sad my dad was worse at keeping his home and work life separated than multiple women. He is constantly thinking about work. He constantly makes comments about "today we did this, tomorrow, I'll need to get this done. I have a lot of stuff to do." Meanwhile, Friday evening at five, I shut down my computer and think "Well, anything that's left to do, I'll take care of it Monday. Time to spend the weekend with my housemates and family" and don't usually think about it until Monday unless someone else brings it up.

I’m not going to complain too much about the chapter on women’s clothing. Wait, actually, I am going to. I think it was rather extreme, and I don’t think that we should be forced to wear clothing we don’t like or find boring just because a man can’t control himself well. That said, wearing clothes that are professional is probably a good idea. That also being said, if a woman happens to show her figure, she’s apparently being immodest and “asking for it.” If she wears loose clothes that don’t show her figure, she’s hiding something and doesn’t care about herself. So again, there is no making men happy. Which really seems to be what men are saying in these surveys. “You’re good. Keep doing what you’re doing. But you should change all these things so you fit in with our world. But <i>don’t you dare change yourself or we will respect you less!”</i>

Oh, and we can’t forget her chapter on emotion in the workplace! One of the men said that he'd been in that profession for 25 years and that while he'd had many women crying in his office, he'd never had a single man. Did he think about the fact that it's probably because men aren't ALLOWED to feel emotion? A man who is in touch with his emotions is mocked for being "feminine" or is called gay. She states multiple times that men who are seen as "breaking" the unspoken man rules are judged more harshly. Put two and two together, men! Many of the men I've known are more emotional than me. They're more likely to take things personally or to be unable to laugh a slight off. Yet we as women are seen as much more emotional.

If women being seen as emotional are a problem, then why don’t we explain to men how we are able to think while being emotional (as opposed to the men, according to the research this author has)? I’m not an emotional person. I’m not likely to be crying at work unless something major has happened. Heck, I’m not even likely to cry in front of people at home. But why must WE force ourselves to withhold a part of ourselves because it makes men uncomfortable? 

Oh, and did you know that all men are neurodivergent! Men hyperfocus! I've totally NEVER done that. I definitely don't hyper-fixate on things that need to get done, and then feel lost when I get pulled out of it. Definitely not. I’m not doing that right now as I write this review. Because I'm a <i>woman.</i> I can't do that. I couldn’t have struggled with any of that throughout my entire life, because I’m not a man. I’m pretty sure. I’m becoming less and less sure as I read this book.

I'm going to just put this out there, but if men and women think differently (which they do. That’s a fact), why don't these men who think it is so necessary for women to understand how they are "sabotaging" themselves just TALK to the women about how they need to adapt? The author pointed out several instances where they explain to women the disconnect, and the problem was usually solved! COMMUNICATION is key. <i><b>Don't depend on this author to fix the problem. Talk to the women about your problems.</b></i> Do not look to others to fix the problems that you could spend so much time discussing with this author. TALK TO THE PEOPLE YOU ARE HAVING PROBLEMS WITH. Maybe then there will be less "broken glass." But, of course, this book is going to solve ALL the problems women have in the workforce, so men don’t need to do anything. 

This book sounds like it's taking all the bad behaviors from the men and saying "this is okay, just because this is the way he is. Women, you're the ones who have to change and adapt, not the men. Because they're men and they're not responsible for your work method." Apparently, the men's fragile egos need to be pandered to by the women as opposed to men learning to work with women. I don't believe every man is sexist and I do think some of these men genuinely want to help women in the workplace... BUT… You won't find a book like this written for MEN explaining how women think and that they need to learn how to communicate with women. Nope. We’re just complete and utter mysteries. 

I'm a little ashamed of the woman who thought she would write a book of men mansplaining their egos and thought processes. Maybe she should use her research to explain to the men that they need to also help if anything is going to improve between the sexes at work.