3.5

4.5 stars.

this is one of the most beautiful stories i've ever read, and it came into my life at just the right time. it's a ghost story set in modern-day new york city, about a girl from the hudson valley who wants nothing more than to forget the life she left behind. it's witchy and vaguely sapphic, with a meandering and somewhat bizarre plot that centers around identity, independence, and recovering from trauma.

this book is about:
- struggling to escape a dysfunctional/abusive family
- getting out of your hometown
- ghosts
- the freedom that comes with having your own living space
- generational, gendered violence
- new york city
- the complicated love between a daughter and a mother who failed to protect her
- figuring out what kind of person you want to be once you've left behind your baggage

like i said, this is a weird one. it's not the kind of book that everyone will enjoy, but it was absolutely perfect for me.

diverse rep: jewish and sapphic main character

cw: parental abuse/neglect, physical assault, suicidal ideation/suicide

3.2/5 stars, full review to come! .....huh?

Plot: 3/5
Characters: 2/5
Pacing: 4/5
Writing: 4/5
Enjoyment: 2/5

I wish other reviewers would stop saying things like "maybe I'm not smart enough for this book". You're smart enough. The book is just *bad*.

Merged review:

I wish other reviewers would stop saying things like "maybe I'm not smart enough for this book". You're smart enough. The book is just *bad*.

I'm definitely a fan of Nova Ren Suma's work, and the classy, non-contrived way she does spooky magical realism. However, I didn't enjoy this as much as her previous books. I felt like, while it was a very interesting premise, the internal logic of this book was not quite as clearly thought out. This story seemed like a foggy idea that never became fully realized.

I'll admit, I didn't see the ending coming. I had a dozen different theories, but none of them were that. I was completely mystified the whole time, but in the way that meant I was more drawn in, not pushed away. I still have a few questions about some of it, but not every question needs to be answered.

Not gonna lie, at first I wasn't really into this one but then as I started piecing things together I started to apricate it more. I think that it kind of enhanced my reading experience that I went in blind (I judged a book by its cover okay lol). So I didn't really have any expectations. At first I thought that it would be a story about escaping abuse (and it was) but there were other supernatural elements that were brought in that I adored. By the end I was able to call what direction it was headed in. Some aspects were still a little unclear/confusing but I feel like that was kind of the point. This is definitely one of the stronger, more unique YA novels that I've read. It was also refreshing to have a supernatural story that takes place in a city.

God. I just don't know how to talk about this book. This book contains so, so many of the same elements as her other book, The Walls Around Us. But where in most instances this would seem tired, it works so well for her. It's like the two stories are companions, two different ways of telling the same story. It makes them exciting to read, knowing what she's trying to tell you, but still needing to hear it. Even knowing (or being pretty sure) of the key to the mystery in the foreground, you're still compelled to keep reading to understand WHY and HOW.

I kept reading, kept waiting to understand what was going on, but I didn't have a clue until the very end, and even then I still only feel like I half-understand what this book is about. It's written in a lovely and compelling way, and maybe I'm just dumb, but I can't shake the disappointment at not comprehending what I read.

Was enthralled the whole time…not quite sure what to make of it now though. I wept. Then read a lot about it online.