This was a well written story, but it’s not something I enjoyed. The vibes were just so terrible, I wanted to throw up a few times. It was as if Scott Hawkins heard the phrase “until the room stinks” and wanted to literally infuse that into the very core of the book. 

The best part of the book, for me, was the resolution to the mystery of what happened to Father. It seemed like a great conclusion, only to find out I still had ~150 pages left. I know part of the premise is Carolyn finding her humanity again, but since that arch is set after the climax of finding out about Father, the juxtaposition in tone of these two parts seemed very strange to me and made me enjoy the last quarter a lot less. 

So, I should not have read this book. I saw that Lili (USOM) had said it was hard to give comp titles for this, but if she had to choose one, it would be Middlegame by Seanan McGuire. I know lots of folks loved Middlegame and that it was a very well-written book, but it wasn't my cup of tea. The comparison between that book and this one was accurate as far as tone, mood, and (for lack of a better word) pretentiousness; I didn't care for it at all. I'm going to try not to let that influence my review (if I did, this would likely have been a 1-star read for me) and rather evaluate the book on its merits alone.

First, I'd like to say that while I didn't especially enjoy Middlegame due to the complexity of the plot structure and some of the terminology/jargon that I just didn't understand, I do trust McGuire to largely avoid including ableism, fatphobia, queerphobia, and racism in her books. Scott Hawkins? Not so much. This book was everything that didn't appeal to me about Middlegame with the additions of ableist terminology throughout, completely unnecessary homophobia by some characters, and a fair bit of mild fatphobia and racism as well. There were no openly queer characters in this book, and honestly, thank goodness for that. I don't want this author writing my community.

I'm aware that the content of a book and the things fictional characters do and say don't necessarily represent the views of the author. However, things like describing an Indian man's skin as "caramel colored"; making it so the only fat characters are bit roles, criminals, and/or die immediately; and having (unsympathetic) characters spew graphic homophobia? Those are authorial choices. And those were only a handful of examples; I could give several more in each category.

As I'm writing this, I actually knocked my rating down a star because this was a long book and I forgot, by the time I was through with it, how angry the things mentioned above had made me. I'm also having a hard time coming up with redeeming facts about the story, characters, etc.; I suppose the plot's complexity could interest some readers, as well as the amoral/villain-arc main character who was nevertheless somewhat sympathetic. The atmosphere and worldbuilding left a lot to be desired. I feel like a lot of the "magic" system was handwaved using obscure terminology, but it didn't seem consistent within itself. Basically, this felt like fantasy by an author who dislikes the fantasy genre and who used jargon and elision to avoid developing the setting well.

If you got this far into my review, you've probably guessed that I do not recommend this book. I'd also be reluctant to read anything else by this author based on the range of baked-in bigotries I covered above. Also, do male authors know that having a female character get raped isn't the only way of giving her trauma and a motivation for revenge? Just wondering. Anyway, go read Middlegame if you haven't, but look elsewhere for more of that vibe if you end up enjoying it.

Content notes: gore and violence; rape; child abduction and child abuse; violent homophobia and homophobic slurs; mention of wartime violence against civilians; suicide by hanging, poison, and self-immolation; mild cannibalism; animal death and graphic gore involving a dead dog

What the heck did I just read?! This book was nothing like I expected, and it was one of the craziest experiences of my reading year so far. I honestly couldn't put it down, and the plot twists were insane and absurd and, somehow, worked really well all the same. I actually don't want to reveal anything about the plot, because I think this is one of those books you should go into without knowing what's in store for you to get the full experience.

It's a whole bunch of crazy, though. Crazy but the kind of crazy that keeps your eyes glued to the page. Be warned though, this book is entertaining but also stuffed to the brim with sick and twisted cruel things, and those who are particularly sensitive to cruelty against children might want to skip this one altogether. It's very brutal in places.

The characters of this book I really enjoyed, even if some of them - okay, most of them - are totally bonkers. Erwin was my favourite, but the whole cast was excellent. Overall, this book really gripped me and was very close to a five-star read... I'm not even sure what it is that I felt was missing. Some elusive little spark, maybe, that tips the scale from an excellent read to a sublime one. Still, this was an absolutely wonderful book I enjoyed with mixed feelings of slack-jawed admiration and abject horror.

You underestimate linguists and librarians at your own peril. Just saying.

And I'll definitely be keeping my eyes open when this author publishes something new.

Dangerous Librarians, Selfish Gods, Academy for Dark Powered Children Run by Suspicious/Morally Grey Father Figure, Inadvertent Cosmic Horror, Narrator with a Secret, We Love it When a Plan Comes Together, Playing the Long Game, Friends to Enemies, The Talking Lion is Not a Jesus Stand-In, See This is Why We Need Term Limits, A Malice that Has No Bottom

I really dislike using r*p* as character development and this book uses that a little bit. So hated that. Also kind of hated throwing sex/peens in the story too. Like no I didn't need to know that one character could not get erect no matter how much the other character involved tried in any level of detail, but here we are.

Also wasn't a fan of making a large portion of carolyn's motivation being her romantic crush

. 
But overall the book was okay. Super slow going, but the idea was good. I understand needing quite a bit of the back stories leading up to the present time now that I've finished it, but while reading, it made the story drag on a little. It also kind of feels like a couple ideas were thrown together that didn't get fully fleshed out, but the main thing of the book is

creating/raising/training a god or a god-like being. It also really embodies the meme "I want to punch god in the face"

. People are saying it's weird but I didn't find it so much as it was just kind of graphic.

Do not be discouraged by the 3 ⭐️ rating, this novel is crafted with care and the premise is unique, at least it's unlike anything I've ever read before. I would still recommend it. I did enjoy about half of it, not to say I disliked the remaining half, I just struggled. I was a bit sad about some of the choices made in reference to a certain character, but that's on me and not the book.