This was a well written story, but it’s not something I enjoyed. The vibes were just so terrible, I wanted to throw up a few times. It was as if Scott Hawkins heard the phrase “until the room stinks” and wanted to literally infuse that into the very core of the book. 

The best part of the book, for me, was the resolution to the mystery of what happened to Father. It seemed like a great conclusion, only to find out I still had ~150 pages left. I know part of the premise is Carolyn finding her humanity again, but since that arch is set after the climax of finding out about Father, the juxtaposition in tone of these two parts seemed very strange to me and made me enjoy the last quarter a lot less. 

So, I should not have read this book. I saw that Lili (USOM) had said it was hard to give comp titles for this, but if she had to choose one, it would be Middlegame by Seanan McGuire. I know lots of folks loved Middlegame and that it was a very well-written book, but it wasn't my cup of tea. The comparison between that book and this one was accurate as far as tone, mood, and (for lack of a better word) pretentiousness; I didn't care for it at all. I'm going to try not to let that influence my review (if I did, this would likely have been a 1-star read for me) and rather evaluate the book on its merits alone.

First, I'd like to say that while I didn't especially enjoy Middlegame due to the complexity of the plot structure and some of the terminology/jargon that I just didn't understand, I do trust McGuire to largely avoid including ableism, fatphobia, queerphobia, and racism in her books. Scott Hawkins? Not so much. This book was everything that didn't appeal to me about Middlegame with the additions of ableist terminology throughout, completely unnecessary homophobia by some characters, and a fair bit of mild fatphobia and racism as well. There were no openly queer characters in this book, and honestly, thank goodness for that. I don't want this author writing my community.

I'm aware that the content of a book and the things fictional characters do and say don't necessarily represent the views of the author. However, things like describing an Indian man's skin as "caramel colored"; making it so the only fat characters are bit roles, criminals, and/or die immediately; and having (unsympathetic) characters spew graphic homophobia? Those are authorial choices. And those were only a handful of examples; I could give several more in each category.

As I'm writing this, I actually knocked my rating down a star because this was a long book and I forgot, by the time I was through with it, how angry the things mentioned above had made me. I'm also having a hard time coming up with redeeming facts about the story, characters, etc.; I suppose the plot's complexity could interest some readers, as well as the amoral/villain-arc main character who was nevertheless somewhat sympathetic. The atmosphere and worldbuilding left a lot to be desired. I feel like a lot of the "magic" system was handwaved using obscure terminology, but it didn't seem consistent within itself. Basically, this felt like fantasy by an author who dislikes the fantasy genre and who used jargon and elision to avoid developing the setting well.

If you got this far into my review, you've probably guessed that I do not recommend this book. I'd also be reluctant to read anything else by this author based on the range of baked-in bigotries I covered above. Also, do male authors know that having a female character get raped isn't the only way of giving her trauma and a motivation for revenge? Just wondering. Anyway, go read Middlegame if you haven't, but look elsewhere for more of that vibe if you end up enjoying it.

Content notes: gore and violence; rape; child abduction and child abuse; violent homophobia and homophobic slurs; mention of wartime violence against civilians; suicide by hanging, poison, and self-immolation; mild cannibalism; animal death and graphic gore involving a dead dog

What the fuck did I just read??? That was incredible. Fucked up, sure, but incredible. I sort of grew to like the characters in a way. Tbh, I think this is the only book where I can safely say my favourite character was a fucking lion.... Holy shit. I don't think I'll ever read anything quite like it. It had the sort of loose ends type feel to it that I love in books. Also, yay for lovecraftian/cosmic horror! And also a bit of comedy? I don't know. This book defies genre, words, classification of any kind. I'd even go so far as to say it's a masterpiece.

Honestly, I'm really surprised I liked this book. It's not my normal style and I don't know if I'd ever pick up something similar again but the world building was exceptional!

I really dislike using r*p* as character development and this book uses that a little bit. So hated that. Also kind of hated throwing sex/peens in the story too. Like no I didn't need to know that one character could not get erect no matter how much the other character involved tried in any level of detail, but here we are.

Also wasn't a fan of making a large portion of carolyn's motivation being her romantic crush

. 
But overall the book was okay. Super slow going, but the idea was good. I understand needing quite a bit of the back stories leading up to the present time now that I've finished it, but while reading, it made the story drag on a little. It also kind of feels like a couple ideas were thrown together that didn't get fully fleshed out, but the main thing of the book is

creating/raising/training a god or a god-like being. It also really embodies the meme "I want to punch god in the face"

. People are saying it's weird but I didn't find it so much as it was just kind of graphic.