Desperately tried to find the will to continue on; no longer spark any joy from this book.

I fell in love with this book on page one.
This is one of those rare pieces of art that makes you feel as though you are looking into a mirror.
I think the writing in this book was incredible and the relationship dynamic was a fair portrayal of what it’s like to live in this kind of turmoil. Specifically, the first half of this book is hauntingly beautiful. 
Unfortunately, the second half of this book fell a little flat for me. I found the dramatic shift in the narrator’s behavior made sense, but came on all at once with little perspective on how she was changing.

This book...oh, my God. She's short, but she packs a fucking punch. "Acts of Desperation" follows an unnamed narrator who on the first page meets a man and falls into a "brief, all-consuming" romance with him before he abruptly dumps her. She resolves to get him back and keep him by any means necessary, even if it means degrading and destroying herself.

The writing in this book is so beautiful and harsh at the same time. I highlighted so much in this book, such a range of lines: lines that I related to, lines that I thought were interesting, lines that made this character make sense to me (because she often did not, which made her seem painfully real).

Through this narrator's voice, the reader is exposed to her confessional, her literal desperation for male attention and male love, her love addiction, her mental illness. The way at times, this man she claimed to love so fully did not even seem like someone she liked, and yet she simply couldn't be without him- without *someone* in general - God. You have a front row seat to all of it and it is sometimes so brutal that one must set the book down and just decompress.

However, in the brutality of this narrative, there are moments so poignant and relatable that I couldn't get my highlighter/pen cap off fast enough to highlight or annotate. There were parts of this that also felt too smart for me, things that didn't and do not make sense to me still, and I don't know if that's because I'm not smart enough or if it's just a reflection of what a mess this character is?

Overall, obviously, I loved this. I loved the commentary and chronicling of this woman's case of love addiction & other things throughout that I won't mention at the risk of giving things away inadvertently.

"In these moments I knew that if I could be smaller, smaller, less and less, if I could be tidied, then he would love me fully and properly; and that anybody - oh, everybody - would."

this book has a raw and at times uncomfortable portrayal of obsession and codependency. the unnamed main character reduces herself, her memories, feelings, and needs in order to please a man, and to become as inconvenient and small as she can be, in the hopes that it will make her lovable.

i went into this expecting it to be a book that had a scary portrayal of obsession, but finished it feeling more understood than ever (don't get me wrong, not the obsessive part :D i'm not crazy) because this author has a way of putting very uncomfortable and unique situations women go through in words and ways that i would've never thought possible. the universal experience of being a woman and trying to fit into molds people impose on you, with the promise of love and acceptance for doing so... sexual-trauma, toxic upbringings, problems with self-image and food, self-loathing and emotional abuse... i think every woman i know is familiar with at least one of these things, and this book makes your feelings very seen and heard.

not only the portrayal of a toxic relationship, with its high and lows, manipulation, and gaslighting, was done perfectly, but also the internal dialogue of going through a situation like that. this author puts into words feelings we all feel but are ashamed of admitting so, and it shocked me how relieving it was to know i was not alone in such thoughts. you understand the main character, not because you're going through that situation, but because the writing of her internal conflicts is so so so well-done that you almost wish you could help her. it is less about obsession than it is about codependency and feeling like you can't survive if you're alone.

i debated whether to give this five stars, but ultimately decided not to. it is not a plot-driven book, and the pace is quite slow, but it was incredibly relatable. i ultimately felt like it was missing something, though the ending was very very nice and comforting. i loved this book so much, and i think it's one of my favorites now.