So I understand what this book was trying to do, but that doesn't mean I had a good time reading it. It was honestly just sad and frustrating the entire time. Like this mess of a person is just being terrible and self destructive. And I don't always dislike when there is a protagonist that is an unlikable person, but I think this book made her so unredeemable that there was nothing left for me to get invested in and nothing to make me root for her despite her flaws. Like most of her problems were being caused by her, and were easily fixable, which made it so frustrating that she kept making the harmful choices. Also I would have understood her actions way more if Ciaran was like the dream man, but he literally sucks so so bad. He is such a horrible and trash person that I was just so frustrated that she kept pining after him over and over again. Also I really don't like how much she cheated. It was very hypocritical of her and she really should have just broken up with Ciaran instead of cheating on him a million times. Also, heavy trigger warnings for self harm, which I do not think the book handled or presented in a good way at all. At some point it just felt gratuitous.
Overall, I did not like this book, and even though I know what it was trying to say, it still wasn't enjoyable. 
Read from the Provo library.