I picked this book up randomly and I am so glad I did! It was truly so insightful about passions and hobbies and interests- and that it is okay to have these things. I think every woman has to read this.

I tried to knock this one down a star because I've never given this many 5-star reviews in a row, but I just couldn't. This was so lovely and funny, and not as remotely cringey as I geared myself up for in a book that is essentially about fandom. And when the cringe came, it was dissected in such a thoughtful, generous way. I adored this.

I would recommend to anyone who finds themselves lost in motherhood or anyone who might be overwhelmed with their current life situation or who needs a reason to find joy.

My favorite quotes:

Unlike a bicycle trailer, it turn out you can’t conveniently unhitch motherhood from who you are.

“You should allow yourself more than a nail appointment. You should indulge in things that refresh your spirit or make you laugh or make you feel something “

But Sophie is thinking only if the hole suddenly being emptied, which I don’t think is a thing that happens. It’s more likely for the hole never to be explored at all. How can it be, if you don’t even know it’s there? Or there’s this: you do know about the hole, but you stop yourself from filling it, out of self-protection.

Once we’re adults, we relinquish play far too thoroughly.

Does it matter what it is that moves us, so long as we are moved?

Tell me, do you know what it is that you love? Not who- I already know you love the most important people in your life - but what. And if you didn’t have to explain it defend it, would that change anything for you?
It was hardly the fault of motherhood that I didn’t know who I was. I’d already, long ago, lost my grip on the question itself, replacing it with What should I be? And How do I look to you? And Excuse me, what options are available to me at this time?
Humans are not unlike lobsters. Lobster girls by developing a hard, productive shells and then expanding from within them, sloughing off the confining outside layer as it does so. With each passage from one stage of human growth to the next - such as having a baby, a divorce, retirement, your kids and home– we too must shed a protective structure. We need to grow bigger in order to meet the challenges and changes of our new life circumstance. But now the armor that previously kept us safe no longer fits.
We all have different interests; we all like different things. It’s a statement of fact, it’s also an effective strategic defense. But it’s not just about “different things“ is it? Some of us like normal things, and some of us like weird things.

Eve Rodsky,in her book Fair Play, call sit “unicorn space“: the “active pursuit of what makes you uniquely you”
Her book is about how to balance the burden of invisible labor, and protecting your unicorn space, she says is a non-negotiable part of the process.

Benedict Cumberbatch can’t change your life, you see. But finding your thing, and loving it, whatever it is - well, maybe that can.

If it seems like there’s nothing you love enough, or want enough, don’t feel bad about it you don’t need extra things to feel bad about. But if this is the case, then perhaps you could try looking back. I think about something you used to love.

An incredibly fun and entertaining read and also quite possibly the most compelling essay collection I have ever read. This is such a fascinating look at how women's interests -- and women's interest, for that matter -- are so often treated as trivial or silly. Carvan is an absolutely brilliant writer with a fresh and powerful perspective, not to mention a charming and funny one. I absolutely loved this book!

This was a book about Benedict Cumberbatch.

It just wasn't that interesting.

Oddly enough, this was the perfect book to read around New Years. So many good reminders that you don't have to *be* something better than you are or *do* anything worthy but anyone else's standards. You can simply exist in this world loving what you love and finding joy in that.

This Is Not a Book about Benedict Cumberbatch was a fun read with some insightful thoughts about women and their chosen hobbies or lack thereof.

Tabitha Carvan loves Benedict Cumberbatch. But this is not a book about that (mostly). It's a book about how women's hobbies and interests are routinely pushed to the side. This is definitely a byproduct of life at times. Women have kids and jobs and responsibilities, and their identities are often wrapped up in that. But it's also a systemic problem. How often are men encouraged in their hobbies? Sports fans? Car fans? Etc... No one finds this odd. But one woman being fascinated with Benedict Cumberbatch....what's wrong with her?

I loved this look into why this happens and how to push back. It's okay for women to have hobbies and interests, and we need to celebrate and normalize them. Tabitha Carvan approached this subject with such an entertaining vibe and it made the book a joy to listen to/read but also left me reconsidering how I thought about hobbies and interests. I'm ready to embrace mine!

I buddy read this book with my sister and it sparked some interesting conversation!

I absolutely loved this insightful and hilarious look at how hobbies and passions are so crucial, but also so overlooked, in our day to day lives. It was eye opening in a lot of ways and I want every woman I know to read this, truly.

Loved the first part of the book - so funny and memorable. I struggled with the pace of the middle but towards the end it brought me joy again

“something trivial, like a crush on a celebrity, can have unexpected, maybe profound, consequences, not in spite of being trivial but because it is. Because it’s fun, because it doesn’t matter, because it’s purely for you, because it feels stupidly good. Because the joy of it expands. It seeps into other parts of your life, transforming it, and you, in ways that do matter - a lot. That’s why I wasn’t able to balance the books between seeing Benedict Cumberbatch in a top hat and what happened next. It’s not a one-to-one correlation, but more like an exponential curve.

Benedict Cumberbatch can’t change your life, you see. But finding your thing and loving it, whatever it is - well, maybe that can.”

If you have found joy in any fandom, ever, you need to read this book. It felt like the first time someone really got what it's like to be in that world — everything from the feelings of shame and embarrassment to finding community and incredible joy to the way people are made to feel awful for wanting to celebrate the things they love. There's so much about age and gender, and how without those constructs interests could just be celebrated, rather than hidden. The whole book just really resonated.