I was trying to explain to my husband one time why I love BTS so much (like SO SO much) and all I could come up with is “because it’s something that I do just for me.” He was asking from a place of genuine curiosity and wanting to connect with me, but I’m still not sure he fully understood because men seem to have no problem doing things just for themselves, whereas women only do things for themselves as a last resort or a revolutionary act (something Carvan expresses so well). This book made me feel so seen, in that it explains in excruciating detail what it’s like to be a fully-grown, professional, mature woman who deeply loves something that other people “don’t get” or think is stupid. It also really challenged me to examine more deeply how I think about and approach the things I love - do I allow shame to color them because I’m obsessed with looking mature and evolved and like I “have it all together?” Do I trivialize my own passions and interests because it’s easier to do it to yourself than allow yourself to be vulnerable and be devastated by someone else’s opinion? OOF, tough questions, but so worth thinking about when it comes to something as important as “what brings joy into your life?” 

Anyway, for something more like the unhinged reviews I usually write, I absolutely adored this book! I laughed! I cried! I thought deeply about life! I felt like Anne with an E - “How I love being a woman!” What a joy it is to stand up to the world that wants women to be sweet and conforming and uninteresting and say f*ck off, I love what I love. I love BTS and Dramione fanfic and this book! 

As Tabitha Carvan states, this is not a book about the titular Mr Cumberbatch, although he does feature heavily (especially in the appendix, *wink wink*, *nudge nudge*).

The book is about women (including LGBTQIA+ folks to a certain degree, but I'll leave that to more experienced people than myself to judge this), and how they have frequently been derided and sneered at for the things they love, while in comparison, the things that men love are taken seriously and seen as worthy ("boys will be boys", anyone?).

As well as describing her own experiences in coming to terms with her own love for Benedict Cumberbatch, Carvan takes a serious look at why the things that bring women pleasure are seen as lesser. One of the things she does to explore this topic is she interviews Benedict fans of all stripes, find out why they love this man, and how they express that love both on the Internet and in real life (or not, in some cases).

She also takes a look at the topic of women's interests through an academic lens, which was fascinating (and validating!) to read about. The book breezed along at a steady pace, although I found the parts where Carvan discusses her experience of motherhood a bit slow.

Overall, an engaging, enlightening read. Go forth and love the things you love!

Actually not about Benedict Cumberbatch even though he was discussed often lol. More about self-discovery, sexism, shame, passion, and fandom. loved the description of fandom and all the respect heaped upon middle aged fandom enjoyers. very interested and curious about more of her insights and takes on fic. also really grateful for her descriptions of motherhood and identity and community. much to consider. overall it was really fun to read but i am still trying to narrow down the demographics i'd recommend it to.

I wasn't sure about this book going in, but I really enjoyed it, and I think it could be a very transformative read for a lot of people. It's truly not about Benedict Cumberbatch (even if you feel like it might be based on the preface). It's more like a feminist manifesto on loving what you love, on female joy, and on not feeling guilty or stressed about doing things that are purely for your own pleasure. It's about a woman's journey to not being embarrassed by things that are deemed silly or cringey or "girly" by others, and about learning why those things are not only okay, but important.

As someone who's been a nerd unafraid of seeming cringey for pretty much forever, I wouldn't have thought I'd get a lot out of this book to be honest, but I'm really glad I read it. For one, Carvan overthinks this whole identity crisis to such a degree that she talks to experts in various fields, and the things she learns from them were fascinating. She also frames the central questions of the book in so many ways; I think no matter who you are, you'll learn something from this book.

Honestly I mostly wish men would read this. Like, it's mostly about the author's personal journey, and it's an entertaining and easy read, but it also explains so much of the struggles women (and in many cases nonbinary people, and anyone either perceived or raised as a woman) go through that men don't, in a way that I think would be good for them to read.

I took a lot of screenshots and notes while reading this, and enjoyed it a lot more than I expected. And not gonna lie, it also made me want to watch Sherlock. 

Thank you to Netgalley and Putnam Books for the chance to read and review this ARC.