"Hello 911? My doctor asked me to list my symptoms. What if I'm lying without meaning to? What if I forget something? Is my itchy toe worth mentioning? My head hurts, so I either have a brain tumor or I haven't had enough caffeine today. How important is it to tell her how many Advil I actually take? Why is she reading my chart so quietly? Was that diarrhea? Is she over there planning an intervention because I went through the Ativan she prescribed me in less than a week? Is she going to watch me climb onto the table, and, if so, is there a way I could just die right now instead?"