loved it; got me back into reading but slower the first 100 pages, definitely picks up after that.

Last 100 or so pages of this saved it for me, overall spent most of my time wishing it was over already.

What can I say...
This book was definitely interesting. I loved a lot of it: the description of some feelings, the dialogue, the sociological thinking sewn in through the fictional text. But there's also a lot I did not like one bit! I found Joan a tough character to root for. I definitely felt sorry for her, especially as more of her childhood was uncovered, but it was hard to really want her to do better because of the lack of information we as the reader had. It felt very shallow and unnuanced. Her hatred for men and patriarchal thinking read very limited, almost like she didn't know exactly how her own actions were hurting her most in connection to the way men treated her (i.e. the concept of "everyday rapes" that women put up with. This was a fascinating concept through a sociological lens, and I wished that Joan had felt more about it than complete resentment for men while still actively participating in it herself without any disdain for herself. And if there was disdain, it would not be as nearly volatile as it was for the male counterpart).
I think this kind of writing for a main character would work if she was presented as more of an angry person rather than quiet and docile. I wanted more emotion from her: she read very flat. Yes she would cry, and yes she would feel rage, but I think I wanted to see those emotions explode rather than just having them. If Joan had been more of a reactive person, it might have made more sense that would later murder someone.
I don't know if I'm simply just reading too much into it, but while this book did bring up a lot of interesting points and theories, I feel as if the feminist lens it was trying to be presented through was not revolutionary, but rather one that was surface-level and easily-digestible (wh*te woman feminism). It made me feel similar to the movie Promising Young Woman at times, with the way that it kind of romanticized payback for systemic, violent misogyny that just ended up with the main character being violated over again (I would rate that movie a fucking zero by the way - do not watch it!)
Again, this isn't to say that it was a bad book. The pacing wasn't too bad and the character descriptions were also very imaginative. I thought it was a cool mystery trying to find out who Joan was "writing" this for, and the end was more satisfying than most of the other ends of chapters throughout.
Another warning for triggers: mentions of child abuse, child sexual assault, rape, death of parents, death of a child, difficult pregnancies. It's definitely not a book that shies away from the realities of a lot if not all, women. I think it could have been more relatable if there wasn't so much going on in it (cheating husbands who kill themselves in front of their mistress in a packed restaurant isn't something that is exactly relatable...). Though I wouldn't recommend it, I don't think I would exactly deter someone from reading it. It just simply wasn't for me!

The book was disturbing. The entire time reading I felt ehh/blah about the book in general. I don’t know what other descriptors to use. Some parts were more interesting than others, but for the majority of the book, I just felt like I was basically just trying to get through it and finish. I was not excited to read it on the days I did pick it up and read.
I felt like it was so slow in the sense that I felt like I had read SO much, then at the end of my reading session for the day/night, I realized I would only knock out like 10% more of the book. Since pretty early on in the book I had been saying in my head “when is this going to end, or get interesting enough to where I actually actively want to read it to see what happens?!” 
The character/narrator of Joan and her experiences were sometimes relatable, but she was also extremely unlikable. I hated her character at times and her actions. I understand having childhood trauma and going through traumatic experiences, but just some of the things she did, or thought about, were very disturbing. I felt like I was reading trauma porn at times throughout the book. I personally would not recommend this book.
I also was just not a fan of the writing itself. There are certain words that the author feels the need to repeat what seems like a hundred times. I also found the writing to be confusing to the point where I was asking myself “what’s the point she’s trying to get across?” I felt like I was reading a diary/journal of random occurrences and the narrator’s thoughts all thrown together in a way that didn’t make sense. 
If anyone does decide to read, be warned there are graphic scenes of sex, rape, murder, miscarriage, and suicide.

Someone wrote ‘trauma dump’ in their review and honestly I felt that 😂 

Most of the time, I was cross with Joan and her lack of accountability or lack of energy for well, anything? She just felt so blasé and it was frustrating to read, although I think that’s the whole point of her character.
I also get why she would’ve felt the need to try and justify every single one of her actions though…

This one definitely needs content warnings which I’ll include below.

Only 2 out of 5 stars for me this time unfortunately 😫 It was hard to put down at times but also hard to get through, because nobody was in a good place and it felt like there was a need to glamourise that 🥲