It doesn't take long to read this book. And you can read for the age of the child that you are expecting to discipline if you want. I read the entire book and found it useful. I liked that they described certain behaviors to expect at a certain age, why they are present, strategies to deal with emotionally tense moments and so on. I've tried some of these strategies and kept some of these tips in mind and I believe that they work. I especially liked that this book initially mentions that discipline is a long-term challenge to tackle with children. It's not something to get out of the way at the moment or expect quick and easy fixes for.

I love this book! If I owned this book, just about every sentence would be highlighted. Instead, I took about 15 pages of notes because I want to remember everything.

I picked up this book because my 3.5-year old has been struggling with the changes after having my now 10-week old, and I wanted to find some techniques to make things easier on all of us. Since I started implementing tips from this book, life has gotten much calmer, and everyone in our house smiles more - it’s only been a few days, but that’s how fast it worked.

The breakdown of how kids are developing at each age was interesting and helpful. It helped to understand the motivation behind behaviors and how I can help my boys navigate their emotions.

I picked up a lot of tips for things to do with my kids, and I’m already seeing positive results with my eldest as I implement the tips. The information is pretty common sense and feels easy and natural to put in place. The discipline style fits with my personality and how I want to feel and act as a parent. I cannot recommend this book enough.

This was okay. Read it all in one sitting during nap time. A few useful things but not quite what I had hoped.

This book was dope

Good book!

I’m looking forward to using the tools I have learned from this book! It has a lot of practical advice for specific situations, as well as information on how to relate to your child.

Another discipline book that says it’s wrong to punish—including time-outs and taking away possessions. This one is not as bad as “No Drama Discipline.” This one is shorter and more to the point. I liked that it divided chapters based on the age of the child, and gave developmental information about each age. It had a few interesting tips (like when asking for compliance, try saying, “It would be helpful if . . . ” [123]), but the main message was still flawed. At least this book says not to give in to your child’s demands (97) or whining (141). But it was still too spoiling; whenever your child wants your attention, you’re supposed to “completely stop what you’re doing and tune in” (97).

“When I asked a group of parents to name the characteristics they hoped their children would embody someday in the future, nobody mentioned blind obedience. . . . These parents hoped their children would become adults who were happy, responsible, independent, compassionate, honest, determined, curious, resilient, intrinsically motivated, and good problem-solvers” (5).
Yet despite most kids in generations past being raised by their parents to blindly obey, those kids still generally became adults who were those positive words above. Obedience has its place. There are times in life when you’re expected to obey, even as an adult: you’re supposed to obey your college professor, your military leader, and your boss or supervisor. There is a hierarchy. And parents are the superiors of their children, and that is why children are expected to obey. Teaching kids to obey their superiors does not prevent them from being all of those above words.

15 “Disciplinary strategies that are belittling, threatening, manipulative, deceiving, coercive, or sarcastic may gain your child’s obedience, but they will not gain your child’s cooperation. Trust is earned, not demanded.”
Yet most kids who were spanked do grow up to trust and respect their parents.

The author thinks letting a 2 year old pick what to wear is discipline (5).
The dictionary defines discipline as:
1. punishment inflicted by way of correction and training.
2. to bring to a state of order and obedience by training and control.
3. to punish or penalize in order to train and control; correct; chastise.

The author says she advocates for consequences, not punishment. Punishment sends the message, “If I don’t obey, I will be made to suffer” (94). But the author’s examples of good consequences are the parent saying the following to the misbehaving child (95):
1. “I understand how hard it is.”
This is not consequence; it’s just talking and empathizing.
2. “I am feeling so frustrated. I need to step away and go calm myself down.”
This is not consequence; it’s the parent putting herself in time out while the child gets to continue getting his way.
3. “Let’s pick up your toys together, and then we will have a dance party.”
This is not a consequence; it’s reward.
So what if the child does not behave or do as told after these strategies are tried? Just continue to talk/empathize, put yourself in time-out, and offer more rewards? At best, the child will get her way most of the time, and at worst she will be rewarded for bad behavior.

“Common tantrum triggers for this age include being hungry, not getting enough sleep or being ready for a nap, feeling overstimulated, craving more independence, experiencing a disruption in routine” (28).
What about throwing a tantrum for simply not getting their way? Turning off the TV or taking away the tablet too soon, not letting them have a toy or candy they see in the grocery store, etc.? It’s like the authors don’t want to place any blame at all on the child; in their eyes, the child is perfectly innocent and they are throwing a tantrum not out of selfishness but because of the cruel external world’s influence.

According to this book, kids who are rude and insulting “don’t mean it” (139). Even a child lying is something for the parent to be happy about; the child has reached a developmental milestone and is exercising her imagination (134)! The author says that if you lie to your kid, you should expect the kid to lie to you. But later she recommends lying to your kid in response to the kid whining: “This car ride is so boooring. Next time I’m buying a car with wings” (142).

The book’s example of good parenting in action: “I also made sure that telling the truth didn’t get him in trouble even if the offense would normally be followed with some consequence. The perpetual lying calmed down with a few months” (137).
Of course the child will stop lying. “Yes, Mommy, I colored on the wall, and I’m gonna do it again too! Let’s clean it up together like we did last time! It’s so much fun!” There’s no reason to hide the truth when the truth doesn’t get you in trouble.

According to the author, a child whining for a candy bar at the store doesn’t really want the candy bar. Oh no. They are just “bored, frustrated, hungry, tired, or feeling ignored” (141). Bored? But what if the child *insisted* on coming to the store with the parent rather than stay at home? Tired? If the child were offered a nap, I doubt he would want one. Hungry? I doubt if the child was offered some carrot sticks to snack on, this would erase the whining for the candy bar. Feeling ignored? I also doubt if the parent pays the kid some attention, it’s going to erase the whining for the candy bar. Frustrated? Sure, frustrated that they can’t have the candy bar! The author says not to allow the child to have whatever he was whining about because “giving in reinforces this behavior,” (141) but then on the next page seems to contradict herself by saying “if you really want to stop the whining, you need to stop what you’re doing and give your child your full attention” (142). But attention seeking was one of the reasons given by the author for the whining in the first place. So giving the child attention is giving the child what he wants.

The book addresses a one year old hitting or biting, but says this is innocent because she is “not capable of purposely trying to hurt you or anyone else” and “it is in fact your child’s job to test boundaries” (40). The poor child is probably just teething or hungry and can’t use language to tell us of her troubles (41).
But it doesn’t even talk about a 4 year old being aggressive or violent. Hmm, I wonder why? Because the excuse used for the younger child can’t be used for the 4 year old! The child is not so innocent anymore; the child is choosing to hurt someone! This fact is completely ignored!